Unexpectedly
by StrawberrySab
Summary: REPOSTED - As promised, Tom Bryant is back! :)
1. Chapter 1

**_Author_****_'_****_s _****_Note: _****_Many of you already know this story, some of you know that I took it down a while ago, but only my closest girls know the reasons why I took it down and why I'm reposting it now. What matters is that this is the place where Alicia and Tom belong, this beautiful fanfiction site that represents a good part of my life. An 'enjoy the rereading' to the old fans and an 'enjoy Alicia with a man who's not part of the damn triangle' to everyone else :D_**

**_In the original version Tom had the face of Ioan Gruffudd, now it looks like he might have the face of Jason O'Mara *cough* something I won't complain about! :D_**

* * *

"Objection, Your Honor!" Alicia's voice sounded slightly pitched in frustration.

"On which basis, if I'm allowed to ask?" Tom Bryant, the prosecution attorney, was Peter's latest acquisition. His gaze was fixed on her, confident, defying, with a sneering smirk, certainly not hiding the hint of arrogance in his gaze. His dark eyes were clearly deep into trying and scan her mind, searching for every slight sign of weakness, doubt or hesitation that he could possibly turn against her.

Over the years, Alicia got used to the aggressive and brash approach of most prosecutors. She had learnt to put them in their place, managing to get completely rid of the unwelcome and weak image that Peter's scandal had spread of her. And this applied not only to people around her, but to herself too. She loved the new Alicia. She loved the feeling of strength and self-confidence she'd manage to build in her four years at Lockhart & Gardner.

Not that she did it all alone. Diane's excellent mentoring proved to be essential for her professional growth. And Will… well, there were days on which she still wondered what could have happened - if they could have worked as a couple – _not __in __private_, that was unquestionable – _in __public_. The amount of _what __ifs _had only increased after their prolonged affair, instead of diminishing. But most of the time, she felt like she had done the right thing. He'd been a very important stage of her life, helping her regain that self-confidence that Amber Madison and God only knew how many others unidentified hookers had taken away from her. It was something she would always be grateful to him for.

Now, under the probing gaze of this man standing on the other side of the justice, she was suddenly feeling insecure, tense, an undefined and uncomfortable sensation of butterflies in her stomach which was distracting and totally unwelcome. What was happening to her?

"The defendant has no criminal record, committal is unwarranted, Your Honor," Alicia promptly reacted, looking straight in his eyes, hiding her discomfort with her best poker face. She managed to hold his gaze only for a few seconds and quickly turned to face the judge. She didn't want him to see her… her what? She didn't know herself, but it made her hands sweaty and she didn't like that at all.

"He's accused of murder, Your Honor!" The prosecutor insisted on his line of action, not showing the slightest hint of doubt or weakness. It was becoming unnerving.

"I don't remember the jury issuing any verdict yet, Your Honor!" Alicia's rising voice reflected her growing frustration and anger.

"He is a threat to society!" He insisted.

Alicia could only stare at him with an unbelieving look. It was so typical of all the SA's office attorneys to be so damn annoying.

"Sustained!" The judge had the final word in Alicia's favor, causing her to sigh with relief. Turning to face Mr. Bryant, she met his annoyed and disappointed look, and paid him back with his same smirk.

As she headed outside the courtroom, she heard a familiar voice calling her name.

"Alicia?"

Slightly turning her head, she saw Mr. Bryant stopping few steps away. "Mrs. Florrick, actually," she corrected him, her words coming out colder than she really wanted to.

"I thought you were separated," he pointed out.

Peter had made the separation official two months before and in spite of the divorce not being already finalized in every single aspect – it was only a matter of bureaucracy now – she had been Mrs. Florrick for so many years that she was finding hard now to adjust to her new condition of single woman. She wasn't Alicia Florrick anymore. She was back being Alicia Cavanaugh. She just had to get used to her old name again. To be completely honest, she was more annoyed by the fact of being back to the condition of "Miss". It made her feel a sort of spinster and she didn't like it at all.

"I'm still Mrs. Florrick, if you don't mind," she insisted, causing him to slightly stiffen. She realized how unnecessarily malicious she sounded and quickly apologized. "I'm sorry… I didn't…" she shook her head. She didn't what?

"No, it's fine… _Mrs. __Florrick_," Mr. Bryant repeated, intentionally emphasizing her name. "I was just wondering if your firm would be interested in considering a negotiation."

She smiled, nodding to herself. So typical again. At the first wavering in the accusation, they were suddenly eager to negotiate.

"We'll consider the possibility, Mr. Bryant," she told him politely, yet keeping the due distance.

"Tom, actually," he corrected her with a smile. _Touché_.

"We'll consider the possibility… _Tom_," she repeated, intentionally emphasizing his name, and she couldn't help but smile at how they obviously had started on the wrong foot. "My firm will contact you," she confirmed, her smile gone and replaced by a very professional look.

As she left, she held back the growing temptation of looking back. _Damn_. Those eyes were so distracting; the way they scanned her like X-ray made her anxious and uncomfortable. _Don__'__t __look __back_, she said to herself, _don__'__t __look __back, don't be that weak_.

* * *

Half an hour later, back at Lockhart & Gardner, she stopped in front of Will's office. Needing his advice on the possible negotiation, she patiently waited for his secretary to leave before stepping in.

"Hey," Will welcomed her with a smile, "how did it go?" He asked, obviously referring to the earlier court session.

"Good. No committal so far. The prosecution wants to negotiate," she explained, giving Will a knowing smile.

"That is the usual with the SA's people," he said, and she smiled at the fact that they thought the same. "Should we?"

"Honestly?" She asked, more to herself. "I think we should," she said, meeting Will's doubtful and thoughtful look. He was clearly against a negotiation.

"I trust your judgment, then. Play low, aim to the minimum and don't yield, whatever they offer," he advised.

"Sure," she nodded, then turned to leave.

"How is he?" Will stopped her halfway through the door.

"Who?" She asked confused.

"Peter's new hire," he explained. _Uh, __sure_. "He's the prosecuting attorney, right?"

"Yes… yes… I… he…" she stumbled nervously upon her words. How was he? _Unnerving, __arrogant, __bold, __annoying __and __uncomfortable_. "Smart, tough. He was well trained," she chose to answer. It fitted him perfectly.

She caught a concerned look in Will's eyes.

"Are you ok?" He asked, a slight worry in his voice, "you seem… nervous…"

Was it so evident? "I just want to close this quickly," she explained, trying to disguise her anxiety with a more easy-to-handle tiredness. With that, she left.

On the way to her office, she called Trisha. "Can you please call the State's Attorney's office and tell that we are ready to discuss the negotiation? Thank you." She was thankful for having a secretary. At least she could avoid having to do with that lawyer, _Tom_, directly.

She couldn't help but feeling anxious every time she had something to do with him and, for the life of her, she had no idea why.


	2. Chapter 2

"Fifteen years, second degree." Comfortably seated on his office chair, resting against the back, Mr. Bryant looked very determined, his voice decided and confident.

"No way, that is not cutting it!" Alicia promptly questioned, keeping a straight face. "Involuntary manslaughter," she replicated, remembering Will's advice of keeping it as low as possible and not giving into any offer. She smiled confidently, her gaze defiantly fixed on his, making it clear that she had no intentions to yield at all.

Out of the corner of her eye, she instinctively peeked at the surroundings. No pictures, no trophies, not a single painting or engraving hanging on the walls; his office was cold and bare, standing in sharp contrast with what was seemingly his being. His deep gaze, his way of facing both people and problems gave a general idea of a strong, passionate and dedicated man. She couldn't help but find all of this disturbing and intriguing at the same time.

"Twelve years with parole," he insisted, not moving a single finger from his stance.

With a raised eyebrow, Alicia was wondering if they would ever find an agreement. Leaning slightly forward, resting her forearms on his desk, she replied with her most relaxed tone. "He's innocent."

Repeating her own gesture, Mr. Bryant slowly leaned forward, crossing his arms on the desk, stopping few inches from her.

Feeling herself slightly blushing at the sudden closeness, Alicia quickly pulled back, her heart beating fast, suddenly uncomfortable and embarrassed. One thing was sure about this man, he perfectly fitted the principle of contentiousness typical of the SA's office, managing to make people in front of him feel small and insecure. It was something she hated.

"Are you sure?" The tone of his voice would make everyone question their own thoughts. "Ten years, this is my last offer," he insisted.

Alicia stood still and silent for a moment, considering his offer. "No," she replied dry, smiling as she noted for the first time a hint of uncertainty in his eyes.

Mr. Bryant looked away, toying nervously with his pen, probably realizing that the negotiation was heading nowhere close to his expectations.

Alicia waited patiently, smiling in pleasure at his hesitation.

As he looked back, his eyes locked on hers. He finally let out a small sigh, failing to suffocate a laugh. "What kind of a negotiation is this if nobody's giving in?" He said between laughter.

Alicia didn't move. Keeping a pleased smile on her face, she quickly replied, "You asked to debate the negotiation, that's what we are doing." Peter had surely trained him well, but he clearly forgot to train him against his own ex-wife. "We never said we were willing to give up," she concluded, a mocking smile on her face.

"I guess this means a failure on the negotiation," he concluded, resting back on his chair, looking defeated. His former smile turned into a hinted look of disappointment. "You're tougher to crack than what I thought you would be," he said with his gaze fixed on her.

_He__'__s__doing__it__again_. That deep and probing gaze was hard to sustain and Alicia found herself looking away, anxious.

"Why did you divorce?" His words came out hasty and Alicia had to look back, not sure she heard it right, meeting his expectant look.

"It's none of your business," she responded with a slightly pitched voice, not hiding a certain resentment at the sudden intrusion into her private life. "And don't ever try to do that again," she concluded cold.

"Do what?" He asked, obviously pretending not to understand.

"Making it personal in the middle of a negotiation," she explained with a harsh tone.

Mr. Bryant looked down, nodding. Alicia noticed he had gone back to toying with his pen and couldn't help but read it as his own sign of nervousness.

"I thought the negotiation was over," he commented with a smile, "and you didn't answer by the way," he added, trying again to get an answer out of her.

Alicia didn't say anything, she simply leaned forward, slightly shaking her head. "Why aren't you married?" She suddenly asked, and smiled as she noticed him looking clearly caught off guard by her unexpected question.

"Who says?" he asked with a curious look.

"Your left ring-finger says," she said, pointing at the lack of any kind of ring on his toying hands. For once, she was the one making him feel nervous and felt a hint of pride at how she managed to reverse his own attempt of questioning against him.

Mr. Bryant took a moment to formulate the answer in his mind. "It's not for me," he answered, his gaze on her, but all the previous arrogance was now completely gone.

"Why?" She insisted, her look defiantly fixed on him.

He looked down at her ring-finger. Her wedding band was gone so recently that the mark left by wearing it every single day for nineteen years of her life was still clearly visible.

"You are separated with kids, I think you might already have your answer," he said, not really replying but giving a remarkable hint as to what he was referring to. "So, why?" He asked again.

Alicia gave him a confused look. She thought she managed to switch the conversation on him, but she was obviously wrong. "Why? What do you mean?"

"Why did you decide to divorce only now, four years after the scandal?" He had just managed to throw it back again at her.

Alicia smiled in disbelief. "You know you're persistent, don't you?" She faked annoyance, but couldn't help but smiling at how he was tough to crack personally as much as she was professionally.

"That's my secret strategy to break the defences down," he said, his voice low, in a confidence manner.

Alicia couldn't help but laugh. His strategy was more than obviously winning not only in court, but in private too. Holding back the laughter, she regained some composure as she started to search for the best answer. Since he wasn't going to give up anytime soon, she might as well give him a good, although harmless reply that wouldn't give him the pretext for more questions. "I wasn't in love anymore," she said calmly. It was way more complicated than this, but it wasn't something she was willing to confide to a perfect stranger.

Mr. Bryant looked at her with some blank look that she couldn't really identify. Disappointed? She couldn't say for sure.

"That's all?" He asked, confirming Alicia's suspect that he was expecting something different.

She smiled before asking, curious now, "What were you expecting?"

He looked at her thoughtful. "I don't know… some turbid and spicy story, I think…" he said, giving her a provocative look that she smartly chose to ignore. "What a pity…" he concluded.

Alicia smiled amused, faking an indignity, she really didn't feel. "Now I have to go and tell my boss that the negotiation failed," she said, breaking the silence before it could turn awkward.

"He'll be proud of how you managed to make it fail," he joked. "See you in courtroom, _Mrs.__Florrick_?" He emphasized her name, reminding her of their earlier discussion.

As she stood to leave, Alicia stopped and corrected him, "Alicia, actually."

Mr. Bryant smiled, "See you in courtroom, _Alicia_."

Walking down the corridors of the SA's offices, she realized she was smiling and blushed. _Damn_. He really was damn cute.


	3. Chapter 3

"Okay, these are the pieces of information you needed," Kalinda said, walking into Alicia's office with a folder in her hands, "and they are not good," she concluded with a touch of disappointment.

Alicia, till now confident they might win the case, gave her a worried look, stretching her arms to take the folder. "What do you mean?" She asked nervously, shifting her gaze from the papers to Kalinda to the papers again.

"Matt Wayne might not be as innocent as we thought," Kalinda started. "He had a fight with the victim the day of his death," she explained.

Alicia looked up at her, seriously worried now. "This is not good…" was all she could say. "This is not good at all…" she repeated to herself, as the thought of the failed negotiation crossed her mind. "Why didn't this come up before?"

"The guy who witnessed the fight left for a business trip that same night, before we had any chance of knowing," Kalinda explained, sounding mortified.

Alicia let out a heavy sight and let herself sink onto the chair. "We let the negotiation fail," she said, her gaze lost somewhere on the floor. "_I_ let the damn negotiation fail," she repeated, suddenly guilty. She was given the chance to take ten years and simply let it go, certain of the innocence of a man who suddenly didn't sound innocent at all.

"Do you think the prosecution might still be open to reconsider the offer?" Kalinda asked her.

It was probably their only way out. _Mr. Bryant_. How could she possibly ask him to reconsider the ten years offer? No. She just couldn't do it.

"No," she replied firmly. They needed to find another way. "We need to prove that he didn't cause the heart attack but was indeed attempting to perform a cardiac massage…" she considered, looking defeated at the police report on her desk. It was the record that their client was supposed not to have until a couple of days before.

"Ask him," Kalinda insisted politely.

"Who?" Alicia asked faking confusion, but she already knew what she was referring to.

"Ask the prosecutor to reconsider the offer," Kalinda explained, still very quietly.

"No," Alicia repeated with the same quietness, though giving away some discomfort.

"Don't let whatever feelings you might have get in the way, Alicia."

Alicia looked up to meet Kalinda's searching gaze. How did she…?

"You couldn't be anymore off the track, Kalinda." Alicia hoped she would get it and let it go, already aware that with Kalinda there was no way of letting it go.

"Am I? 'Cause I was in court during the trial session and what I saw wasn't exactly a simple debate," Kalinda said, giving her a knowing look.

Having as best friend a very careful observer wasn't always a good thing. Truth was, she would prefer ten times having to face him on safe ground of a busy courtroom rather than having another embarrassing tête-à-tête.

A knock on Alicia's door made them both turn to see Eli standing there. He silently gestured for Kalinda to follow him.

"Ok, I gotta go now," Kalinda said as she stood up, "but promise me to call the SA's office," she insisted with a pointed finger.

Alicia didn't answer, she just sighed, going through the police report in the desperate attempt to find something, although she really didn't know what to look for.

* * *

Alicia threw the folder on her desk, defeated. She had read every single line ten times, had looked at every damn detail of the pictures without finding anything useful. She had wasted more than two hours on nothing.

As she stared at her desk, lost in thought, she spotted a business card showing among the papers. She leaned out to take it and read the name.

"_Thomas Jacob Bryant – Prosecutor – State's Attorney's Office_"

Damn. She really had no other choice. Bracing up and putting every discomfort aside, she slowly dialed his number.

"Hello?" Even on the phone, Mr. Bryant's voice sounded confident and intimidating.

Alicia hesitated for a moment, suddenly losing all the strength she hardly managed to gather.

"I… I'm Alicia Florrick," she said, her voice certainly reflecting her anxiety.

"Alicia?" He sounded surprised. Of course he was, they were supposed to meet in courtroom in five days. "To what do I owe the pleasure of this _unexpected_ call?"

What was she supposed to tell him? The plain truth or just asking to reconsider the offer? She decided to go with the second, totally unwilling to give many explanations.

"I was wondering… my firm actually was wondering… if there was a chance to re-debate the negotiation," she said, her words coming out rushed.

The lack of a prompt answer on the other end didn't sound optimistic.

"The police report made you reconsider our offer?" Mr. Bryant asked. He obviously new about the new witness. How could she ever possibly have thought that he might not know?

"Not yet, actually," she admitted, "but we might decide to," she concluded.

More silence on the other end. She hated when he did it. She hated when he played with her nerves. "Okay," he finally agreed. "At lunch," he added.

At lunch? No way she was to agree.

"I'd rather meet in the SA's office, or here if it's more convenient for you." She hoped with every single cell that he would take one of the two options.

"I have a rather busy schedule over the next two months, Alicia," he explained. "It's either lunch… or dinner, - _if it's more convenient for you_," he said, using her own words against her and almost mocking her.

She wasn't sure if he was serious or just kidding. The dead silence on the other end lead her to think that he was damn serious.

"So lunch it is," she yielded.

"Okay, the Berghoff, at 12.30, is that fine for you?" he asked in a cold tone. This was nowhere close to their latest conversation, making her feel even more uncomfortable.

"Sure, that is fine," she agreed, unenthusiastically and more nervous than she was supposed to be. After all, they were only going to re-discuss the negotiation. Why was she anxious?

"Good… see you later, then," he said, his words immediately followed by the sound of the interrupted call. If it was his game to her to make her yield, it was working perfectly.


	4. Chapter 4

Close to both the Federal Buildings and the SA's offices, the Berghoff Restaurant swarmed with agents and lawyers. Making her way through the crowd, Alicia spotted Mr. Bryant sitting at a small round table close to the window, waving at her with a light gesture.

"Alicia, a pleasure to see you again," he said, standing up to shake her hand.

"Tom," she simply replied. _Tom_. She felt so uncomfortable calling him by his first name. She'd rather go with a safer and more detached _Mr. __Bryant_.

"So," he started, leaning forward, his forearms resting on the table, looking comfortable and open - a harsh contrast with their previous phone conversation, "you want to reconsider our offer…"

She was still convinced that ten years were too much and hoped they could settle for something less. "We are open to an agreement," she corrected him, laying the closed folder on the table.

"I thought you were sure about his innocence…" he teased her.

"No teasing, no beating around the bush," she cut it short. "Would you be willing to drop to seven years with parole?"

He let out a small sigh, peeking outside the window for a moment. "From fifteen to seven years even including a parole… that's a huge drop," he commented, "I don't think my _boss_ would like it," he said giving her a knowing look.

She couldn't help but smile. "Seven years with parole," she insisted politely. "Come on, we both know it's a good compromise," she added, a hint of plea in her voice, "regardless of what your _boss_ might say," she concluded, throwing a quick glance at the folder. That's when she noted - _it_… how could they possibly not have noticed before? She stiffened on her seat, unbelieving, simmering with anger. She didn't say anything, just gave him an annoyed look, which he surely couldn't pretend to avoid or ignore.

"What's the problem?" He asked simply.

"What about the fact that you did not disclose all evidence?" She asked, anger raising. Why was she that angry anyway? It wasn't the first time it happened and, sure enough, it wouldn't be the last one either.

"We didn't," he replied quietly. "He's a prospective witness, it's exempt from disclosure, as it was taken down as a government witness-statement. We weren't bound and you know it," he pointed out, impassive.

"It's a police report! And it's dated before the last courtroom session!" She erupted, pointing an accusatory finger at the file. "It's the criminal record my client wasn't supposed to have, you were bound indeed, Mr. Bryant!" She tried to contain the tone of her voice and the growing anger. "This compromises our whole defense line and you know it!"

Mr. Bryant stood there, silent for a while, probably searching for the right answer. "I thought we were past the _Mr. __Bryant_ thing," he said instead.

"We were… until a few minutes ago," she responded, coldly.

"I was just doing my job, so are you. Why are you taking it personally?" He asked with a hint of disbelief.

"You were the one making it personal, throwing private questions during an official negotiation," she reminded him, slowly regaining composure. Being surrounded by attorneys, most of them probably working under Peter, didn't make it easier or more comfortable. Quite the reverse. "Just to clear things up, is this something you always do or is it a preferential treatment reserved to me?" She leaned forward, defying.

"I don't know what you are talking about," he quietly replied.

"Constantly pushing me, trying to embarrass me, unnerving me, making it personal when it's supposed to be just professional. Shall I go on?" She was bursting with an ironic smile. "Do you think it's funny?" she asked.

Mr. Bryant gave her a puzzled look. "Is that what you think? That I want to embarrass you?" he asked, slightly leaning forward, reducing the distance between them.

Alicia didn't move. She gathered all the possible strength not to withdraw. "I don't think you want to do it. You just do it."

Mr. Bryant looked away for a moment, his gaze lost outside the window, before reverting his attention to her with an ironic, slight laugh. "Do you know what I think? That you've probably spent too much time forcing yourself not to feel and you now stand in a place where you can't recognize some feelings anymore," he very slowly replied.

Alicia could have sworn there was a hint of bitter disappointment in his voice and in his eyes. She didn't dare move, or talk, she just looked away. _Forcing __yourself __not __to __feel_. If she had to be honest with herself, he had just perfectly summarized her last four years. She hated when people tried to probe into her. She hated even more when they succeeded. She looked up, and back at him, upon hearing him slightly shifting on his chair.

"Well," he started again, "then I'm sorry you think like that, because you are very far out left field," he said smiling, but his smile wasn't really reflected in his eyes.

"Then what is it?" She asked, never breaking eye contact. Regretting the question the very moment it was spoken. Did she really want to know? Did she really want him to put into words something she certainly didn't want to hear?

Mr. Bryant took a moment, searching the words in the glass of water in front of him. "I find your… inscrutability, control and secretiveness… interesting," he said, showing a bit of hesitation, "even… fascinating from time to time…"

"Don't make a pass at me." She tried to sound cold and distant, she forced herself to look completely uninterested, untouched and unaffected by his words. Truth was, she was scared like hell. She didn't want any more complications in her life. She wasn't ready for any complication. She was barely starting to settle into her own life, after Will, after the divorce. All she needed was time for herself.

"I'm not… You asked a question, I just gave you a honest answer," he pointed out, very sincerely. His ability not to bat an eye even under her accusatory gaze was disturbing. Much to her displeasure, she found herself being the one yielding.

"End of negotiation," she said, standing to leave. "See you in courtroom, Mr. Bryant," she concluded, suddenly feeling a lump in her throat. _Force __yourself __not __to __feel_. She had to remind herself of the words he told her only minutes ago.

"Don't worry," he stopped her. "It won't be necessary."

Alicia gave him a confused look.

"If your client is for it, we'll take the seven years with parole," he concluded.

Seven years with parole. It was what she wanted. It was more than what she was supposed to expect from the negotiation. Then why was that feeling weighing so heavily on her? She slightly nodded at him and turned to leave. Forcing herself not to feel once more.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks to the old and new readers for the reviews 3**

* * *

Sitting at her desk, dashing off a few notes on her laptop, Alicia looked up upon hearing a slight knock at her door. Kalinda was there with a smile and two beers in her hands. Alicia smiled back, gesturing for her friend to step in and take a seat.

"So the prosecution agreed upon the seven years?" Kalinda asked as she moved to sit down.

"With parole," Alicia corrected her, "but, yes, they did." She concluded, before tasting a fresh sip of beer. It was really what she needed.

"What about the client?" Kalinda asked.

"He took them," Alicia replied, giving her a knowing look.

Kalinda stared at her with a slight surprise. "Wow, way to admit your guilt."

Yes, from pleading innocent to taking seven years, it was a pretty huge admission, Alicia considered. _Admission. Confession. Feelings_. Suddenly reminded of the sour and unpleasant conversation which came along with lunch, she let out a heavy sigh. Staring blankly through her laptop, Tom's words kept echoing in her mind.

"Do I force myself not to feel?" she asked, looking up at a clearly confused Kalinda.

"I'm not sure I completely understand what you mean," Kalinda replied to her disconnected question.

"Do you think… that I force myself… not to feel?" Alicia repeated slowly, her gaze between thoughtful and questioning.

Kalinda looked at her for a moment, probably pondering what to reply. Finally, she was able to put her thoughts into words. "I think you want people to think that you force yourself not to feel... Which is different," she concluded.

Alicia stood there, looking at her friend, trying to understand what she meant exactly. "I'm a giant mess…" It was all she managed to say.

Kalinda looked at her with a confused and inquiring gaze. She hesitated a moment before saying something else. "Does all of this have to do with a certain _someone_ working for another certain _someone_?"

Alicia raised an eyebrow. "You can be very cryptic," she just said. She was conflicted on whether having a mind and soul reader like Kalinda as friend was a good or bad thing. She would often begrudge her ability to glean bits, looks, gestures and put it all together as if it were a simple jigsaw.

"But since you know what I'm talking about, then it's _him_," Kalinda concluded, very obviously.

The jigsaw was slowly starting to take shape in front of Alicia too, but somewhat, she couldn't still get the final picture off. Letting out a small sigh, she took the courage to admit what she already knew but didn't dare wording.

"I think he feels… _something_… for me," she said in a faint voice.

Kalinda only gave her a quick look. "Ok," she just said, her mind probably already working out the best solution.

"No, Kalinda, it's not ok. It's not ok at all!" Alicia protested in a very frustrated tone.

Kalinda just gave her a concerned look.

"I don't want anyone new to feel… _something_… for me. I'm still struggling with the old ones, I can't handle any more of them!" When she was just starting to settle into her new life alone, this man appeared out of nowhere deranging her apparent newly founded calmness.

"Did you tell him?" Kalinda asked very composedly.

"Did I tell him what?" Alicia asked confused.

"The things you have just told me," Kalinda explained.

It was a thought that never, even very remotely, crossed Alicia's mind. Why in the world would she share her feelings with someone who was, after all, quite a perfect stranger? Why in the world was she supposed to justify not wanting him to feel anything for her, whatever it was he felt? She felt everything spin so fast around her, confusion, anguish, conflicts, fear and anxiety.

"I can't… and I don't want to," she just said. She was aware that she was forcing herself not to feel again, but right now it was her only self-defense.

"Do it, Alicia," Kalinda went on with her quiet tone. "Don't let him think your anger is at him, when it's really just aimed at yourself," she concluded.

Alicia didn't say anything. She didn't need to say anything. Kalinda was helping her solve that messy jigsaw that was her heart, piece by piece. She watched as her friend took her beer and left with a soft smile and a bossy look.


	6. Chapter 6

She'd been sitting on that bench, outside the State's Attorney's offices for a good ten minutes, staring at the steady stream of nondescript faces, coming and going. The unusually mild October weather would make it an enjoyable day, if it wasn't for the anxiety consuming her from the inside.

She kept glancing at the stairs, unable to force herself to go up those last few steps separating her from the building, those same few steps she'd walked on, up and down, scores of times.

Truth was, she had no idea what she was doing there. The rambling and incoherent thoughts crowding her mind were the perfect mirror of her disconnected and contrasting feelings. She was a massive essence of non-sense.

With a small sigh and a resigned look, she forced herself to stand up and enter. She simply had to do it. _Better __eye __out __than __always __ache_.

Taking advantage of the apparently very hectic day, she slipped through the disorderly crowd and towards the offices, hoping she'd pass unnoticed.

"Alicia!" A way too familiar voice made her jump. - _Peter!__ o__f __all __the __people __she __might __run __into_.

"Hey…" she just answered uncomfortable and definitely guilty.

"What are you doing here? I don't think there's any case involving you today," he asked curious.

Great. She was still struggling to come up with a speech idea, now she had to come up with an excuse, too. Or maybe not. Maybe the truth – part of it, at least - was the best solution, under the circumstances.

"I was looking for Mr. Bryant," she said, trying to look quiet and serene.

"I thought the case was over. Didn't you agree on seven years with parole?" He asked, between confused and questioning.

_Damn_.

"We did…" she admitted. "We just… there are a couple of details that still need to be settled down," she faked a smile. Details, what a nice way to define it. "I can't remember where his office is…"

"Round the corner, third to the left," Peter said, looking totally oblivious to what happened during their previous meetings.

"Okay, thanks," she said looking down and started to follow his directions.

"Oh… Alicia," Peter called her back.

She froze, her blood suddenly turning cold.

"Grace wants to spend the weekend at the cottage…" he said. Alicia felt a thick layer of ice melting as she took one step towards him, relieved. "Is it okay for you if I take the kids out of town for a couple of days?" So, that was it about. _The __kids_.

Her nerves were already in possess of her ability to talk and all she was able to express was a simple "Okay… sure…"

How was she supposed to even start a speech, nervous like this? She had no idea.

She turned the corner, _third __office __to __the __left_. On the half-closed door, a tag with his name.

She knocked at the door, hesitatingly and so light that she wondered if it was even audible to the human hearing.

"Come in!" His voice was confident and intimidating, even beyond a door. She wondered if he'd still sound like that by the time she'd walk out of his office.

Slowly, silently, she took a few steps in, stopping right beyond the doorstep. "Hey," she said, her voice barely perceptible.

Tom's surprise was splattered all over his face and she couldn't blame him. "Hey," he replied quietly, before adding, "I thought the case was over…"

"It is," she quickly confirmed, "I just…" Where to start? This was not going to be easy. "I just came to apologize," she admitted, looking down.

Tom gave her a confused look and gestured for her to take a seat. His dark eyes were fixed on hers in the wait for some elucidation. He was clearly expecting neither a visit nor an apology. She suddenly felt stupid and in need of supplying a quick explanation.

"I've been excessively hard… and unjustifiably and unfairly crabby…" she explained, heartfelt and sincerely crestfallen.

She looked up to see him looking at her, mouth half open, searching for something to say.

"Alicia," Tom started but couldn't finish, as Alicia gestured for him to stop. She needed to get through this.

"No, please," she said, gathering all the strength she could to keep his probing gaze at bay. "I… I don't know what you want from me exactly," she said, her words coming out in haste, only to correct herself right after. "Okay, maybe I do have an idea, sort of…," she said. After all, she'd been through it and knew perfectly that even the most _innocent_ one night stand brought complications of any kind. "The point is…" _What __was __the __point?__Did __she __even __know __that? __Was __she __unprepared? __Scared? __Still __hurting? __Maybe __it __was __a __mixture __of __all __of __them, __which __only __made __it __worse._ "I'm just… I'm just starting to get used to being alone, to try to rediscover myself… I need time… I need time _alone_," she pointed out, leaving no room for doubt. "Everything's still so fresh, _too_ fresh…" _Peter. __Scandal. __Press. __Separation. __Will. __Peter. __Divorce_. She couldn't prevent her mind from being constantly replaying the last four years of her life.

Tom was staring at her, she wasn't sure if his eyes were hurt or just disappointed, but even then, he never looked away, not even for a single second. Even rejected, he kept his confidence and pride intact. Or at least, he faked it very well.

"Alicia," Tom started, but this time Alicia didn't stop him. She gave him her reasons, he deserved at least to make his own stand known, regarding this whole situation. "I watch the news and I read newspapers… I can imagine what you've been through and how painful it can be. Let alone, I've been through a divorce myself…" he confessed in a low voice, reminding her of their conversation of few days before, about him not being for marriage.

"Then… I beg you to understand me," Alicia asked in a pleading voice, "that I can't give you… _whatever_ it is that you want." This time she couldn't find the strength or courage to meet his gaze. She was putting the end to something that wasn't even started in the first place and was very likely to never begin at all. "I'm sorry…" she simply concluded, quickly leaving his office before he could say something else, and before she could rethink this.

She was well aware of the inevitability of that, sooner or later, they'd end up against each other in courtroom again. Till then, till that moment she had to face him once more, she would have to force herself to put all thoughts of him aside.


	7. Chapter 7

"What's her relationship with the victim?" Alicia asked, going through the police report. Sitting on the chair in Will's office leaning forward slightly waiting for his reply; he was briefing her on a new case he wanted her to take.

"Step-sister," Will explained. "Her parents divorced when she was 8, the mother remarried with a physicist and had another child."

"Our victim…" she concluded, as Will nodded in agreement. Leaning back, she let out a heavy sigh. "I hate family crimes," she confessed. "A family should be a safe place, a haven, a shelter… not a nest of vipers ready to gun you down," she said, frustrated. At the same time, she lost count of how many times the thought of doing that to Jackie had crossed her mind. She had to push away the image of her ex-mother-in-law being bitten by a viper.

"What were you thinking of?" Will asked, a curious and amused look on his face. She didn't even realize she was devilishly smiling.

"Believe me, you don't wanna know," she said, holding back a laugh.

Will smiled back. "So, are you on it?" He asked for a confirmation that she would take the case.

"Yes," she smiled, taking the folder from his hands, giving a quick look at the cover before reverting her attention back at Will. With all that happened over the last two years, the only thing that remained unchanged was their friendship, a complicated one maybe, but one of the few certainties in her troubled life.

"So, how does it feel?" Will asked, obviously referring to her new condition as a single woman. The papers were signed one month before and she was still trying to get used to being called Alicia Cavanaugh again, after so many years as _Mrs. Florrick_. It still sounded weird, unfamiliar, almost as if it belonged to someone else.

"Good… I think," she replied hesitatingly. Because if she had to be honest, the moment she signed the papers she felt both relief and overwhelmed at the same time.

On one hand, it was long overdue and just a mere formality, on the other hand she suddenly felt loneliness weighing down on her. Only recently she had found herself finally at ease being alone. "What about you? How are you lately?" She asked, giving her attention back at Will.

"Good," he said with a slight nod. "Anything new?"

_Besides __the __divorce?_ she wondered.

"Nope," she simply replied. "How's Callie doing?" she asked, trying to divert the attention on to him.

Will gave her a soft smile. "She's fine… tired… overworked," he said softly.

Alicia couldn't still say if it was love or if he had just settled in. But he seemed genuinely happy and relaxed, so whatever it was, she could only share some of his happiness. "Okay," she said, lowering her gaze. Looking back up at him, she saw his concerned and questioning look.

"Is there something… you might want to talk about?" he asked, slowly, his sweet voice on.

Was there? A lot of things were still crowding her mind. Still, she wasn't sure if she wanted to share them. "No," she simply answered with a shy smile, "but thanks for offering," she quickly added. Or maybe there was something indeed, she was just uncertain if he was the right person to ask about this, if she even could allow herself to do that. "I just wished… I just wished there was a way to know beforehand if the one we're in love with is the right one indeed… or if he's just miserably bound to break our hearts into tiny pieces," she asked, more to herself.

Will's eyes didn't hide a hint of sadness or regret. "You are asking the wrong person," he said with a bittersweet smile.

_Of __course __he __was __the just __right __person._ She regretted asking. "I… I'm sorry, Will…" She smiled softly. "Maybe you are not the most suitable person to talk about these matters," she apologized.

Will leaned forward on his desk, reducing the distance between them with a disarming attitude. "Who is he?" He asked out of nowhere.

Okay, she wasn't really expecting this. Not from Will, at least. And honestly, she wanted to believe that the last two months served the purpose of forgetting… What was she supposed to say? Fake ignorance or simply admit that she obviously failed? She let out a small sigh, collecting some courage. "Tom Bryant," she admitted in a whisper, looking down, unable to meet his gaze. Two months since she last saw him. Two months since the Wayne case. She found it extremely depressing that her days were marked by cases. When she finally found the inner strength to look up, she met his amused look. What was funny in that? She gave him a questioning look.

"Oh," he said. He hesitated, probably trying to formulate a decent answer. "Okay… well… let's just say that… working at Peter's employ doesn't make him the ideal candidate," he said, failing to hold back a laugh.

Alicia gave him a disappointed and reproachful look. He was unashamedly making fun of her. She watched with faked indignity as he tried to regain some composure. She had to admit that fate was obviously trifling with her.

"This insignificant detail aside," he said with a look of carelessness, "what does your heart say?"

What did her heart say? She crossed her arms over her chest pulling the file as close as she could. She had spent the last two months trying to ignore it, hushing its every small attempt at letting itself be heard, pretending it was some unwelcome voice of conscience that just needed being unheeded and contradicted out of mere spite. Every time it managed to let some feeling leak out, she just became more confused.

"I don't know, a lot of disconnected, confused and non-sense stuff," she said wretched.

Will smiled bitterly, looking down, his gaze lost somewhere on the floor.

Alicia waited patiently for him to say something, although she couldn't say what. Some advice, some comforting word, maybe. Her gaze was fixed on Will in expectation.

When he looked up, she saw a hint of irony in his smile. "Welcome to the I'm-struggling-for-love exclusive club," he said.

Not what she expected. But it was Will, and he was being honest.


	8. Chapter 8

"I'll take the first witness," Diane whispered to Alicia, "this should confuse them."

"Okay," Alicia agreed, nodding.

Standing outside the courtroom, the two women were discussing the last details of their defense strategy under the attentive and clearly tense stare of their client, before facing the prosecution in front of the jury. The corridor had a life of its own, which Alicia had grown accustomed to. Attorneys and clients huddled in tense little groups with quick glances guarding their privacy coupled with the murmur of blended voices made Alicia feel at home, her home away from home, court. She took this all in, almost without a conscious thought then looked back to Diane.

"And thanks for being my second chair, by the way," Diane said.

Alicia smiled, and as Diane made her way through the wooden double doors, Alicia stepped slightly aside to let their client enter first. She watched as he strode in, his head held high. She remembered her first days at the firm and Will's speech about not being able to recognize when people were guilty or innocent. Either the man in front of her was innocent, or he was confident that his connections would make him come out clean. Situations like these made her always question herself, if she was on the right side of justice.

The man they were about to defend was one of the most important clients that Lockhart & Gardner could ever recall. The son of the Columbian consul in Chicago was accused of helping illegal immigration and they had to win this case, whatever it would take.

As she took a few steps in, Alicia recognized a familiar figure, his back turned towards her. She had a head start for once. _Tom_. She took the remaining steps with her gaze straight in front of her, hoping to avoid meeting his gaze. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught him looking in her direction and failed at her attempt, looking back. She was expecting to get some sadness, or regret in the way he looked at her. Instead she met a soft smile, which she returned, only slightly hinted. All her previous confidence was already gone.

"Hey," Tom said softly.

"Hey," Alicia replied with some hesitation.

She stood there, unsure if she had to go and take her seat or just wait for him to say something else. The only certain thing was that their silence was more than a little awkward.

"So, you're the second chair?" He asked, finally breaking the screaming silence.

"Yes," she nodded slightly.

"Okay… good luck, then," he whispered.

"And good luck to you," she said smiling.

As she sat at the defense table, she caught a concerned and questioning look from Diane.

"Is everything alright?" Diane asked quietly.

Was everything alright? Yes, until a couple of minutes before.

"Yes… It's just… Peter played his best card," she answered, trying to keep her gaze straight.

"Make him regret it," Diane whispered, impassive and a little confused by what Alicia had meant.

Alicia felt a hint of envy. She wished she could count on even a small part of the confidence Diane showed on every occasion. Trapped in a situation she didn't like, Alicia gave a conflicted look at Tom. She caught him looking at her then he immediately switched his attention towards the judge as the man called the court into session giving the floor to the prosecution and their first witness.

Tom stood up and with a confident tone he spoke, "We would like to call to the stand Mr. André Ramirez, Your Honor."

Alicia stared at the jury trying to read their faces. They had worked hard to get Latin Americans on the jury, knowing by experience the importance played by the race factor. Still, as much effort the defense could put into trying and convince those few citizens of their client's innocence, they were well aware that these people reached the jury table with a prebuilt image of the defendant in their minds and it was sometimes hard to change it.

Alicia watched as Tom followed the witness to the stand, stopping short to give the jury a nod before turning back to the witness.

"Mr. Ramirez, do you know the defendant?" Tom said, looking back at the man sitting between Alicia and Diane. Alicia caught him lingering on her for a brief moment and felt herself blushing.

"Yes, I do," the witness said, his voice slightly quivering with anxiety. Alicia had to admit that Tom was really good at his job.

"Can you state his name for the jury?" He went on, shifting his gaze between the witness and the jury, throwing a quick look at Alicia. _Is __he __trying __to __impress __me?_

The examination had barely started and the man was already in a cold sweat. Tom's eyes were piercing and intimidating. Under Tom's gaze, the poor man would be inclined to confess everything, she thought.

"Pablo Juarez," the witness said, his look shifting nervously between the jury and the prosecutor standing in front of him, " the son of the Columbian consul in Chicago."

"How do you know him?" Tom went on with his questions.

Alicia studied him, unnoticed and interested. His walk was upright and intimidating. She couldn't say he was powerfully built or particularly tall, still his assertiveness made him overshadow everyone around him.

"He helped me to obtain the entry visa for the United States," Mr. Ramirez replied, his voice barely audible. Alicia didn't envy the man at all. She remembered her conversations with Tom and how they made her nervous and uncomfortable.

Alicia observed as Tom walked confidently, back and forth, between the witness and the jury, pursuing his questioning with decided tone and couldn't help but notice how he kept throwing glances at her with faked indifference. She forced herself not to smile. She forced herself not to look at him as, a few questions later, he said to the judge "No further questions, Your Honor," and walked back to his seat.

As Diane stood up for the cross-examination, Alicia threw a glance at the prosecution table. Tom, probably feeling her gaze, looked back giving her a smile, she couldn't say if it was sincere or mocking. What she knew was that she needed to concentrate to avoid any further weird looks from Diane.

* * *

"The court is adjourned. We'll meet back in three days," the judge declared, closing the session. Unlike both side's expectations, the first day of the trial had gone by with modest order.

As she followed Diane outside, Alicia heard her name being called and stopped. She already knew who it was and let out a small, imperceptible sigh before turning around to see Tom approaching. She couldn't help but notice that his steps were nowhere close to the confident ones he had just showed in the courtroom, as he moved forward with some hesitation.

"Hey," he just said softly.

"Hey," Alicia replied in the same soft tone, before turning to take a nervous glance at Diane, uncertain of what to do. For some reason, she knew this conversation wasn't bound to be short and she gave her attention to Diane briefly. "I'll meet you back at the office," she said, choosing to ignore the questioning look of her boss. Diane just nodded and turned to leave. She'd deal with that later.

Turning her attention back at the man standing in front of her, she didn't say anything. To be honest, she had no idea what to say at all. It had been a few months since their last meeting and she still had it completely fresh in her mind: _their __conversation_ – actually _her_ conversation, since for what she could remember, she didn't give him much chance to talk.

"So…," Tom started hesitatingly, "how are you doing, _Miss __Cavanaugh_?" He said with a smile.

Some things didn't change over the last few months; like the way he looked at _her_ and the way she felt under his gaze.

"I'm… fine," she said, trying to sound calm. "You?"

"I'm fine, too," he said. He looked around for a moment and Alicia found herself doing the same.

What was she looking for exactly? Maybe unconsciously making sure that Peter wasn't around? She didn't really know herself, so she looked back at Tom the moment she heard him catching his breath to talk.

"I was… I was wondering… if you'd like to join me for a drink," he said, not hiding some anxiety.

A _drink_. She knew by experience that drinks can be very tricky and all but innocent. Actually, last time a man offered her a drink, she found herself in a hotel room a little more than one hour later. She shrugged. No, she couldn't do _that_.

With apologies in her eyes, she didn't need to say anything else; the way Tom was looking at her, it was clear he already got his answer. Still, she was sure he wasn't going to give up like that.

"If you worry about the side effects of alcohol, we can go for a more innocent cup of coffee," he said as if reading her mind. "_Only_ a cup of coffee, nothing more…" There was a hint of a plea in his voice, that mixed with his magnetic gaze fixed on her, just took her steadiness away.

She looked down for a moment, gathering… she didn't know exactly what she needed. Strength? Courage? Confidence? Maybe all of these together. "Okay," she finally said in a whisper, "a cup of coffee… nothing more," she repeated to him, but mostly to herself.

"Okay," Tom said with a smile, as they headed outside the building, side by side, but still keeping a comfortable distance between them.


	9. Chapter 9

Sitting at a small table in the local Starbucks, Alicia kept turning the coffee mug in her hands. She had to work off the slight discomfort in some way. Better through her hands than through her eyes, she thought.

"So," Tom started, "How are things going?"

"Good," Alicia said with a slight smile. Were things good? Well, overall she couldn't complain. "They are good," she repeated, more to herself.

"Have you gotten used to your new… _old_ name yet?" Tom asked, getting a light laugh out of her.

She had to admit, that he was as good at unnerving her as he was at putting her at ease. _Alicia Cavanaugh_. She had to repeat the name in her mind to catch the effect that hearing its sound had on her. "Let's say that…" she started thoughtfully, "at least I've started to turn around when I hear it, instead of looking behind me to see if there's any Miss Cavanaugh," she concluded with a satisfied look.

"Wow," Tom replied with faked wonder, "that's noteworthy progress," he joked.

Alicia gave him an amused smile. "It is indeed," she nodded. "And what about you?" She asked softly, shifting the attention to him.

Tom looked thoughtful for a moment. He was always so confident and never short of words that if she managed to get him hesitating, even for a brief second, she couldn't help but feel a hint of pride, although pretty childish, she had to admit.

"The same old things," he said with indifference. "You know, I don't have time for a life outside the office, my _boss_ keeps on enslaving me with inhuman working hours and an unbearable pace," he concluded with a serious look.

Alicia sat there, looking at him for a moment between worried and amused, not sure if he was being serious or just kidding, before catching a glimpse of amusement in his eyes that made her go for the second, bursting out in loud laughter.

She should feel annoyed by his joking about the _boss_. Yet, she couldn't help but find his self-irony funny and intriguing. It was something she wasn't used to. She was used to people looking at her now ex-husband as a source of contacts and business, while this whole situation wasn't really working to his advantage. Far from it! She was pretty sure that Peter wouldn't find it amusing at all that his newest attorney (and, to be honest, one of the best) was sitting at a coffee table exchanging sheep's eyes with his fresh-ex-wife. The thought made her stiffen in her seat, reminding her that some things didn't change. Even divorced, she found herself in an unpleasant situation. Was she ready to risk some kind of revenge from Peter's side? She saw him using his power once, she didn't even want to know if he was ready to do it twice. Looking up at Tom, she caught his questioning look.

"Things… things didn't change, Tom," she said in a faint voice.

No, she wasn't ready to put his career at risk. Not even if he was the one ready to take the risk in the first place.

"What didn't change?" He asked, his smile gone, probably sensing where this was leading.

"The… complications," she said looking down. She didn't have to give more explanations. They both knew them well. "Not to mention," she went on, "we are opposite counsels in a trial, anything more than a coffee would be…" How could she define it? "It would be ethically wrong," she concluded.

"I know." Tom simply nodded, very calmly, without flinching.

If he knew it… "Then… what are we doing here?" She said putting her thoughts into.

Tom looked away for a moment, probably searching for the reason, before directing his gaze back on her. "Sipping a coffee," he said quietly, "enjoying each other's company for a few minutes, far from work, from negotiations, from witnesses and judges…" he went on, his voice low but not showing any hesitation. "Far from all those people who expect us to be tense and wage war against each other," he added. "Because… we are not, are we?" This time his voice showed a slight concern.

Well, she couldn't blame him. Their last conversation wasn't exactly a friendly and relaxed one. Certainly they weren't waging war against each other, but as to not being tense, she wasn't completely sure. Whenever they were together, the tension – at least from her side, was palpable. "We are not," she said with a soft smile. It was better that way. "I should go now," she said after checking the clock, "my boss is waiting for me," she apologized, "and probably… your _boss_ is waiting for you, too," she concluded, giving him a knowing look.

"May it never be that I disappoint my _boss_," he joked with a smile, getting a soft smile out of her.

They both had to go. It was a matter of fact. Still, neither of them moved a single finger or showed any intention to stand up and leave. Alicia found herself looking at him, her gaze unconsciously shifting from his eyes to his mouth. She had no idea whether Tom noticed her gaze or just decided in a moment of weakness that it – _she_ – was worth a try. All she knew was that in the next moment he was leaning forward on the table, his dark eyes fixed on her mouth. _Bad idea_. He was so close that she could feel his breath, with the strong aroma of coffee. _It's wrong_. She instinctively backed down.

"Bad idea," she whispered looking away.

"Bad idea," he repeated, but the tone of his voice and the look in his eyes didn't match his words.

They were both well aware that this was exactly the kind of complication they were supposed to avoid. Still, those lips were too magnetic and Alicia found herself leaning forward again, searching for his mouth, meeting his lips in an attempted, shy kiss. Their lips were barely brushing against each other and she had to remind herself to breathe. She had spent months trying to forget him, trying not to think about him, pretending he was just a trick played by the feeling of loneliness that had been keeping her company over the last months. For what? Was this the result of her obviously wasted efforts? All these rambling thoughts crowded her mind, making it spin, as their kiss became deeper, making her forget for a moment that they were sitting in a very busy Starbucks. She loved the feeling of his mouth and of his tongue. They were soft and warm, he tasted like coffee and something she couldn't define for sure. Mint maybe?

The moment she broke the kiss in need of air, she realized that they had just crossed the limit they were supposed to never cross. She looked in his eyes, catching the same sudden sense of guilt for not being strong enough to resist something like a simple kiss. It was just a kiss. She kissed her kids every day, she had kissed Peter for so many years that she had lost count. It was supposed to be just a kiss. But it was in fact a huge complication.


	10. Chapter 10

Alicia rushed into the SA's building. Kalinda had kept her on the phone for a good ten minutes discussing new evidence and she ended up being late for the court session. Diane would be disappointed. No, she'd probably be downright angry, since what Alicia had in her hands was the folder with the complete list of witnesses and the draft for the questionings. Running until the last few steps remained to the courtroom, she stopped right outside the closed doors. She regained some composure, smoothed down a crease from her blue skirt and roughly fixed her hair with her fingers, while she caught her breath.

Finally, she opened the door, a slight embarrassment and a hint of apology on her face as she caught the reproachful look on Diane's face. With short hurried steps, she quickly reached her seat next to her boss, careful to avoid throwing even a fleeting sidelong glance at the prosecution table.

Alicia and Tom had discussed this. Yes, they had. But in whatever way they turned it around, it didn't change the fact that it was simply wrong. The courtroom was their workplace and they needed to be professional.

"I'm sorry, Diane. I was on the phone with Kalinda, there's new evidence we need to discuss," she whispered.

"Good or bad," Diane simply asked, her tone giving away a remnant of annoyance.

"Hopefully good," Alicia replied, her gaze fixed on the judge. _Don't look to your right_. "We should call Mr. Ramirez to the stand again," she whispered, paying attention not to let herself be heard from their opposite.

Diane gave a questioning and perplexed look. "We already questioned him and it led to nowhere," she whispered back.

"Yes," Alicia nodded, "but we didn't know that the immigration stamp was forged," she explained with a smug smile.

Diane sat there for a moment, lost in thought, probably processing her words. "You take over his questioning," she concluded, getting a broad and proud smile out of Alicia.

Well, technically it was Kalinda who got the piece of information_. Note to myself: offer her a drink later_.

"Miss Lockhart," the judge opened the session giving the nod to the defense, "You are invited to call your first witness to the stand," he concluded.

"You go," Diane whispered and Alicia promptly stood up.

"We would like to call Mr. André Ramirez back to the stand for a new line of questioning, Your Honor," Alicia said with a decided voice as she moved closer to the witness stand, reminding herself again that she shouldn't glance toward the prosecution table. Hard thing to do, she had to admit, since she could feel Tom's gaze fixed on her, following her every step, and this wasn't certainly helping at all. Still, she failed again as she threw a sideways glance at him, catching his look of worry and discomfort. He wasn't clearly expecting this twist. She felt slightly bad for him, this was certainly not good for the prosecution. But her first interest was to her firm and the client, and she knew very well that they couldn't afford to lose this case, neither economically or for their image.

The bailiff reminded the witness that he was still under oath after he was seated in the witness stand. The jurors turned their attention to Miss Cavanaugh.

"Mr. André Ramirez," she started, "you said in your previous testimony that the defendant, Mr. Pablo Juarez," she indicated the man sitting next to Diane, "helped you to obtain the entry visa for the United States. Is that correct?" She asked him.

"Yes," the man replied in a faint voice. It was time to prove that she was excellent too when it came to intimidating witnesses.

"Can you state for the jury in which way he helped you?" She went on with her questioning, walking slowly and confidently in front of the judge.

"Objection, Your Honor!" Tom's voice emerged strong from the prosecution table.

Alicia couldn't help but throw him a questioning look. "On which basis, _Mr. Bryant_?" She asked him with a hinted smirk.

"Mr. Ramirez has already been asked these questions and they led to nowhere, _Miss Cavanaugh_" he said confidently. A little too confident, she thought.

"Sustained," the judge declared in favor of the prosecution.

Tom paid her with the same hinted smirk, which she chose to ignore for her own nerves. It was distracting, and he probably knew it too.

"Mr. Ramirez," she started again, as she very calmly walked to the defense table, taking a document from the folder in front of Diane. "do you recognize this document?" She asked, as she politely handed the paper to the witness. Out of the corner of her eye, she couldn't help but notice Tom stiffening in his seat.

"Yes, it's a copy of my entry visa," he confirmed nervously.

"Can you read that number right beside the word _approved_?" She went on with her questioning.

"734," Mr. Ramirez replied in a faint voice. And for good reasons, Alicia thought.

"Can you repeat it, just a little louder," she asked, accompanying the _little_ with a gesture of her fingers, "because the jury and the prosecution might have not heard it," she explained, glancing at Tom, who was serious now.

Mr. Ramirez cleared his throat. "734" he repeated, this time louder.

"Do you know what that number is?" Alicia asked, more confident at every question.

"No," Mr. Ramirez replied.

"Well, it's a registration number, Mr. Ramirez. A _progressive_ registration number, to be more specific, made of three figures, which is odd, because we have checked personally with the immigration office and it should be four figures, unless you came in the States in the fifties, sixties maybe? Which I'd tend to exclude since you were not even born back then," she explained, looking straight in his eyes.

"Now, I am a little confused… Why should the son of the Columbian consul, who has wide access to _legal_ immigration forms, give you a forged visa?" She asked, faking confusion for dramatic effect, because the answer was right there in front of her, sitting in the witness stand in a cold sweat.

"I…," Mr. Ramirez hesitated, "I don't know," he shrugged.

Alicia knew very well that she couldn't give the answer herself without getting an objection, which would very likely be sustained. But this was certainly enough for the jury to doubt his words. "No further questions, Your Honor," she concluded.

Heading back to her seat, she looked at Tom. No quick sidelong glances this time, she stared right in to his eyes as he took the bunch of papers in front of him and threw them in frustration. This was the reason why they were supposed to keep the distance, one of them at least, since the list was long.

Diane gave her a pleased smile. "Good job, Alicia," she said, gathering the few papers scattered in front of her.

Alicia replied with a smile.

"Does the prosecution have further questions for the witness?" The judge asked.

"No further questions, Your Honor," Tom replied, glancing at Alicia.

All they had to do now was wait for the judge to set the date for the next session, give the jury their instructions and wait for their verdict.

In a moment of quiet, she caught her phone vibrating on the table. She checked the caller and had to force herself not to blush.

"_Great job Miss Cavanaugh, drink later?"_ The text said.

"_I thought drinks were off-limits Mr. Bryant_," she wrote in reply, as she failed to hide a smile.

"_Dinner? No refusals accepted. Wins require celebrations." _He insisted with a new message.

Alicia was finding it really hard not to laugh, and having her boss sitting right next her was making it awkward and slightly uncomfortable. "_We didn't win yet_."

"_I thought I said no refusals accepted Miss Cavanaugh."_

This time she failed to suffocate a light laugh, getting a weird look from Diane. "I'm sorry," she mouthed, slightly embarrassed. _Damn_. There was no way out with that man.

"_You are damned persistent. Ok for dinner_." She finally gave up. Not that she had any other option.

The moment she sent the message, she immediately regretted it. Dinner… it was long, demanding and dangerously close to the night… Maybe she had better accept the drink… Or not? Suddenly she felt panicky. How did they go from coffee to dinner after all they said about it being wrong? The way Tom managed so easily to trick her into doing things she apparently didn't want was at the same time fearsome and intriguing.

"The court is adjourned. We'll meet back here in five days for closing arguments, jury instructions, then turn the case over for the jury's deliberations," the judge declared, closing the session.

As she stood up to leave the courtroom, Alicia turned to look at Tom, who was staring at her intently. She gave him a soft smile before looking down, shy.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N : Sorry for the scarse updates. Life's been crazy in the last few days!**

* * *

Sunk in the comfortable couch of her apartment, feet resting on the small coffee table, Alicia was sipping a glass of full-bodied red wine, slowly, savoring every drop. It was warming, relaxing and gave her comfort.

It was a late Friday night and the absence of the kids was palpable through the surreal silence surrounding her, which let her thoughts run wild, boundless, uncontrolled. It had been a positive day, but she felt the weight of the emotional stress, the anxiety derived from the questioning, the restlessness that flooded over her at the sense of discomfort she felt in seeing Tom so angry at the end of their last court session. The more she let herself linger in the thought, the more she thought dinner was a very bad idea.

The coffee, the kiss… _The kiss_… She couldn't get that little and almost innocent kiss out of her head. She unconsciously licked her lips. The dinner… She shook her head and shuddered. The dinner! Panic started to prevail at that thought. In five days they'd go before the jury for the closing arguments and, acting like two witless kids, they thoughtlessly decided to have dinner together. _Tomorrow_. Way to be coherent with your own decisions, she considered.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the doorbell ringing. The clock showed 10pm. There was only one person who would show up that late in the evening. She forced herself to stand up, annoyed by the unpleasant interruption of her little moment of quiet, as the doorbell rang for the second time. "I'm coming," she said loudly with a strained voice.

As she lazily opened the door, she met two depressed puppy-dog eyes filled with guilt.

Alicia looked at her brother with the resigned look of someone who'd been through that enough times to know he had just messed up his love life again.

"What have you done this time?" She asked as she stepped aside to let Owen in.

"Hi sis, I'm happy to see you, too," he replied with a faked sarcastic tone, making his way into her living room and sinking into her couch.

"Make yourself at home," she joked, as she sat beside him and gave him a reassuring and slightly motherly smile. "So… what have you done?" She asked again, this time softly.

"It's over," he just said defeated.

"Robert?" She asked with a raised eyebrow. Owen didn't say anything, he just nodded.

Alicia gave him a confused look. "Wasn't it already over a couple of months ago?"

"It wasn't," he contradicted her, giving her an annoyed look. "Okay, it was…" he corrected himself, taking the bottle of red wine from the coffee table. "But now it's over for good," he declared, shifting his gaze from the bottle to Alicia, to the bottle again. "Excellent wine," he changed subjects, "I'd need a glass of good wine to drown my sorrows," he said faking a winy voice.

Alicia couldn't hold back a laugh. Her brother should have acted in some soap opera instead of teaching.

Pouring him a glass of wine, she insisted on a little more, hoping that alcohol would make him open up, even if she was pretty sure she'd end up regretting it in a few minutes time. "What happened, Owen?"

"Do you think I'm not able to take responsibilities?" He asked doubtfully.

"Robert said that?" She asked softly. Owen sighed and nodded.

Alicia took a moment to choose the best answer, one that wouldn't hurt him. "I guess… it depends… Which kind of responsibilities are we talking about? Something like a full commitment or who has to do the laundry?" She asked trying to get a picture of the situation. "And most of all… how important is Robert for you to take over such responsibilities?"

Responsibilities. She was realizing only now how this was fitting for her own situation, too. She was about to do something that would involve taking on huge responsibilities, if accidentally disclosed. Her mind went to the dinner again. Her conscience kept telling her to just call Tom and give it up, but something deep inside was screaming at her to hush the conscience and just listen to her heart. Yes, she wanted it, but that didn't mean that she wasn't scared.

"Are you still with me?" Owen asked her with a concerned look.

Snapped back to reality, she smiled in the attempt to dissipate every concern from his side. She didn't want questions asked, she didn't want Owen to ask questions. She wasn't really ready to cope with his jokes or whatever he – or anyone else, for what it was worth - had to say about it.

"Wait wait wait…" Owen said, straightening up on the couch in full attention mode. "I know that look," he commented in a flourish of enthusiasm, apparently forgetting his own love pains. "Fire away!" He said with a knowing smirk.

"There's nothing to… _fire away_," Alicia said, holding tight to a pillow and hiding behind a long sip of wine. No, she couldn't do it.

"So… Mr. Georgetown struck again?" He teased her.

"Mr…? What?" Alicia gave him a confused and unbelieving look. Did he really think… "It's not… he's not Will," she confessed with a faint voice. And she immediately regretted it. Maybe it was better and safer if after all Owen thought it was still about Will. But the look of disbelief in his eyes made it clear that it was too late for a retreat.

With wide eyes and an evil grin, Owen was already on a tangent. "Sis! What are you up to?"

Alicia slightly stiffened, nervous. No, she definitely wasn't ready for such a confession. But he was her brother, the only person she could open up to and fully trust to never betray her secret.

"It's… complicated… very complicated," she started, her voice low and uncertain. Curled up in defense, her gaze was fixed on the glass in her hands, as if the wine could transmit her some strength by osmosis.

"Okay," Owen started very quietly, "I'm used to complicated… _very_ complicated worries me a little," he admitted, not hiding some concern, as he gently stroked her forearm, reassuringly.

Where could she start? What would she say to begin with if she had no idea how she felt? Slowly, hesitatingly, she decided to take it step by step.

"He… His name is Tom," she started, looking back up to meet her brother's expectant look, "and… he… he's a prosecutor," she confessed looking down, hoping this would be enough for him to get the whole picture.

Owen gave her a questioning look, his mind clearly working to elaborate the two simple pieces of information. "Prosecutor…" He repeated slowly. "Does that mean that he works for your ex-husband?" He asked as confirmation. He was obviously getting the whole picture. She found it somehow funny that Owen still had a hard time mentioning Peter's name. If she was lucky and he was in good mood, Owen usually called him _the husband_. Most of the time, he was just _the jerk_.

"Yes, it does," she said with a hinted and slightly embarrassed smile. She needed more wine. One glass wasn't enough to even start and handle this conversation. She poured herself some more liquid, giving Owen the time to assimilate her words and, hopefully, to come out with something other than a joke.

"Now… this is _very_ complicated," he said in a serious tone. "What happened exactly?" He asked very softly, "and… does Peter know it?" He asked with a slight hesitation, not taking his eyes off of her.

"Peter doesn't know it," she started, "not yet at least," she quickly corrected herself. "We only… we only kissed and…" Damn, why was it so difficult to share such personal information with her own brother? "He asked me out," she went on, looking down, her hands torturing the poor pillow in tension, "tomorrow… for dinner…" She concluded with some discomfort.

Looking back up at Owen, she met his expecting and intent look. "And?" He asked.

Alicia gave him a look of disbelief. No, he wasn't getting the whole picture. "And… I can't! It's… it's wrong, ethically wrong and inconsiderate and…" She suddenly let the pillow go to take her phone on the coffee table. She needed to do it. To call him. To say she couldn't.

"How important is this _Tom_ for you to take over some responsibilities?" Owen suddenly asked, distracting her from her anxiety.

Alicia gave him a confused look. Why was he talking about responsibilities? She was the one supposed to be giving responsibilities speeches, not Owen. "What do you mean?"

"This is very likely going to bring consequences, good or bad…," he said softly. "Is he worth taking the responsibilities for those consequences?" He asked, his gaze fixed on her questioning.

Was he? Was Tom worth that? How could she possibly know when everything was just beginning and she barely knew him? Shifting her gaze from the phone in her hands to her brother, she realized she didn't have an answer. All she had was an indelible kiss and that ungovernable attraction taking hold of both of them whenever they were around each other. This was something she couldn't deny. So was she ready to take the responsibilities for the possible consequences? One last look at her phone, she put it right back on the table, sipping some more wine, pondering Owen's words.

"I don't know," she said looking down conflicted, "but I want to know…" she said, giving her attention back to her brother with a soft smile. "You still didn't tell me if Robert is," she said, remembering what led them to this conversation.

Owen reacted by drinking up all the wine in his glass, with a sad look in his eyes. "No, he probably wasn't."


	12. Chapter 12

After three changes of clothes, hair pulled up then down again, and having been on the verge to give it up twice, Alicia was standing right there where the taxi left her a couple of minutes before, in front of a small and quiet restaurant in Old Town, unable to move. For some reason she had expected Tom to reserve some overcrowded fancy restaurant, and was pleasantly surprised to see that he had probably sensed her need to be far from the confusion and safe from prying eyes. Still, she couldn't get rid of the anxiety eating at her. Why in the world did she accept? She was scared, but she didn't know if by the dinner itself or by the thought of where the dinner could lead. She breathed in and mustered all the strength she could gather to take the last few steps that separated her from the building.

Once inside, she started to glance around nervously looking for Tom. She liked this place. The simple wooden decor was completed by yellow-earth drapery and tablecloths, which gave a touch of elegance, but were at the same time simple, intimate and familiar. She finally caught sight of him standing up to take a few steps towards her, a tense smile on his face. Apparently, she wasn't the only one nervous tonight. _Breathe, Alicia. Breathe._

As she walked with a bit of uncertainty towards him, returning the smile, a thought assailed her; how were they supposed to greet each other? A shake of hands? _Too formal_. A hug? _Too intimate_. A kiss? _Not even in discussion_. Maybe a more innocent kiss of the cheek? _Embarrassing and awkward, to say the least_. Okay, maybe it was better to go for a simple hello.

"Hey," Tom said, his gaze fixed on her.

His look confirmed to her that the third change of clothes was clearly the winning one although, for a brief moment, she thought that maybe it was too much for the occasion. The black sheath dress, bordered on its bottom with two oblique and very thin lines of white sequins, was very elegant, yet simple at the same time. And way different from the suits she always wore in courtroom.

"Hey," Alicia replied with some hesitation, leaving a few steps between them to avoid an uncomfortable proximity. Probably catching her uneasiness, Tom smiled and gestured for them to take a seat.

"I…," Tom started with some hesitation, looking around, "I thought a quiet place was better, under the circumstances."

Alicia smiled and looked around too. "I like it," she said giving her attention back to him, her hands toying nervously with the menu on the table. She found herself looking down. For some reason she still couldn't hold his gaze for more than a few seconds.

"Why are you so nervous?" He teased her.

"I'm not…," she contradicted him. Well, if she had to be honest, she was. "Okay, maybe I am," she corrected herself. "_You_ make me nervous," she admitted.

Tom smiled softy, his expression reassured her. "Why?"

"I don't know… You… You just do," she said in a faint voice. Truth was, he didn't make her nervous. It was the way she felt around him that made her nervous. It was a feeling she couldn't master, no matter how much she tried, and she loathed not being in control of her feelings.

"Okay," he said, "and what can I do to… not make you feel nervous?" He asked with a smile, but his eyes showed he was clearly uncomfortable too.

Alicia stared at him for a moment, pondering his question. Since it was not about him but about her, the only thing she could do was to try and find a way to relax a bit. "What about a good bottle of wine?" She proposed with a knowing smile.

Tom sat there for a moment, his eyes fixed on her. "Wine, mmmh?" With a light laugh, he took the wine carte. "Wine for this lovely lady, then!"

Alicia just stared at him, more intently than she really wanted, a soft smile on her face quickly turning in to a mild laugh.

_Two glasses of wine later…_

"Okay, now tell me something more about you," Tom asked with a curious expression, his forearms resting on the table. The wine had clearly reduced both the anxiety and the physical distance between them.

Alicia gave him a questioning look. "What do you want to know?" She asked with a smile.

Tom looked at her for a moment, hesitating, then asking, "Anything that didn't already go through the media is welcome," he joked.

Alicia chastened him with a reproaching look that quickly turned into a smile. "Not funny!"

"What are your weaknesses?" He said, going for something a little more specific.

"Are you going to use them against me?" She asked throwing him a slantwise look, which made Tom burst out in laughter.

"Cross my heart and hope to die," he said seriously, suppressing a laugh.

Alicia took a moment to decide what to answer. What seemed an innocent question could instead be very tricky. She looked down at the glass in front of her and got her answer. "Wine," she said with a soft laugh. She realized she was at her second glass and she'd better stop before starting to feel the side effects. Because then it would probably be too late. What else, then? "My kids," she said, her voice turning softer at the mention of Zach and Grace. "They are both my biggest weakness and strength at the same time," she admitted thoughtfully, her gaze lost in the plate in front of her. She realized she had barely touched her food. Not that she was hungry anyway.

"How did they take the divorce?" He asked, this time serious, no more kidding.

Alicia was taken slightly aback by the subject change. She wasn't sure she was ready to discuss her marriage, - or worse, her divorce – with him. But since they were being candid, they might as well lay all the cards on the table.

"Better than expected," she admitted. "I guess the long period of separation softened its effects and made them accept it more serenely." At least for Zach, she thought. Grace didn't show any sign of giving up till the papers were signed with no chance to turn back.

"You did good… I mean… in keeping them away from the media…" Tom said, a hint of uncertainty in his voice. This was for sure a very delicate topic.

"I just… I just did my best." Her voice gave away a slight discomfort at the thought of everything she'd been through, at the thought of everything her kids had been through. Sometimes she had to stop and remind herself that it was over. The scandal, the press, the humiliation. A part of her would probably never get rid of that anxiety, that lingering undertone of fear to see her face in the news again.

She had always looked at herself as an ambitious woman, till the scandals made her reconsider her priorities, her needs, her wishes. Living outside the media's radar was definitely better for her mental health.

Staring back at the man in front of her, she realized that things weren't really completely over. She was far from the media's assault but still not free from Peter's influence. She shook her head trying to get rid of that thought. She wasn't here to think about the negative aspects but to enjoy a nice evening and a good dinner with Tom. With a soft smile, she gave her attention back to him.

"By the way…," she started, looking for a way to shift the discussion back on him. "What did you do to deserve being kicked out by your ex-wife?" She asked him with a teasing, knowing smile.

Tom looked at her for a moment without saying anything, until he burst in to a bitter laugh. "Ahhh... You women always assume you're on the right side, don't you?"

Alicia hesitated a moment. "Because we usually are?" She replied, playfully.

Tom gave her an amused smile. "Well, I'm still wondering about it five years later," he said quietly. "She left after one year, just in time to get the most out of the divorce," he explained with a knowing look.

"How uninteresting," she joked, her eyes wide in faux disbelief.

"I guess it was just wrong from the beginning," he said.

Alicia stared at him and nodded in understanding. She realized that he knew way more about her than she knew about him and decided to play his own game. "Okay, now it's your turn," she teased him.

Tom gave her a confused look. "My turn for what?"

Alicia leaned forward with a confident smile. "Your weaknesses," she said, taking a sip of wine.

"Damn, I thought I'd escaped from those questions," he laughed.

Alicia's gaze was fixed on him, amused and expectant.

His answer came with no sign of hesitation. "Tequila."

Tequila? Suddenly dinner didn't seem so scary anymore. Alicia was actually thankful they went for dinner instead of drinks, avoiding a dangerous outcome. She burst into laughter and blushed a bit at the thought. Noticing Tom's amused and questioning look, she tried to regain some composure. "Don't ask," she pleaded with a smile, "go on."

Tom took a moment himself before answering. "Good food just like it was prepared at home," he said, pointing at the empty plate in front of him, "and finger food," he added with a bit of tease.

"Finger food?" Alicia's question came along with a smile and a raised brow. "Now, this is interesting and needs for explanation."

Tom leaned dangerously forward, the reduced distance causing Alicia to blush a little.

_More wine_. Alicia suddenly felt the pressing need for more wine but didn't dare move a finger under such proximity.

"I think...," Tom started, peeping around them, "I think there is something extremely sexy in feeding someone..." he explained giving his attention back to her, "or being fed," he quickly added with a smile.

_Okay, more wine. Now._

Alicia took a long sip from her glass, looking down in slight embarrassment. The way he was staring at her really left no room for doubt. He was making his move with her, and not so subtly. This dinner was taking all but an innocent turn. Alicia had to remind herself that she wasn't the blushing kind, she's never been a woman that let men take control of her nerves. Gathering some courage and boldness, she faked a confidence that she had lost along the way and sat up straight, doing her best to hide that bit of discomfort caused by his obvious attempt. "Something tells me that it's not that kind of finger food served in cocktail parties," she said with a knowing look and a hinted smile.

"Well, it depends from which cocktail parties you are used to..." He said, his gaze fixed on her, his expression showing defiance.

Alicia nodded, and in a moment of lucidity she decided they were overshooting. With a soft smile, she looked down searching for the right words to stop what was obviously not meant to go on.

"I don't think we should do... this," she said, her voice insecure and faint. Did her words really match her thoughts? It didn't matter, her thoughts needed to be hushed.

"Do what?" Tom asked, "Talk about food during a dinner?" He added, faking confusion, obviously pretending he didn't understand the real meaning of her words.

It took a moment for Alicia to react. She threw him a look of disbelief before bursting out in loud laughter. Well, putting it that way it lost most of its mischief, but the good laugh wasn't enough for her to forget the forced - and agreed - limits. Still, she couldn't bring herself to respect those limits she herself imposed, as she leaned forward, meeting his lips slowly, hesitatingly at first, then more deeply as their kiss became passionate, urging. The red wine that he ordered a couple of hours before tasted better on his lips, its taste, cool and robust, creating a breathtaking contrast with the warmth of his mouth. She could easily get drunk under such an inebriating kiss. Leaning back in need for air, they stared at each other for a moment. It could have been one second, or one hour, Alicia couldn't say for sure. All she knew was that she was scared by her own feelings. She was used to having everything under control and the sensation of losing the reins of her heart was overwhelming, unwelcome but somehow exciting at the same time. Her eyes silently pleaded for him not to say anything. She could deal with one thing at a time and right now her mind was still reeling from the aftermath of their kiss.

"I like you, Alicia." Tom's words came out hurried, faint, thrown out there barely audible, as to reserve the chance to retreat from them if needed.

But Alicia heard them well, loud and clear. For a moment she was speechless. If she had to be honest, this shouldn't be a surprise. But there was something in hearing those words said out loud that made everything real, concrete, taking away any chance to ignore what was clearly happening between them.

At the same time, it was scary. It was easier to handle a fantasy, a figment of her imagination, or a dream. The reality was far more compelling and demanding and, most important, it bound them to a different sort of consequences and responsibilities she was not yet sure she was ready to cope with.

"I think we should stick to what we agreed," she said in a low voice, in a desperate - and probably useless - effort to bring things back to what they were supposed to be from the very beginning.

"You think it or you want it?" Tom asked leaning forward. His gaze was fixed on her, but lost most of its previous confidence.

His question caught Alicia completely off-guard. With some hesitation, she dared asking, "What... What do you mean?"

"You keep on saying... you think what we are not supposed to do, you don't say that you don't want it. What is it that you want then?" Tom's question sounded so simple. What did she want? She had no idea, and if she even did, she was still fighting to ignore its mere existence.

She remembered the conversation of the previous night with Owen, all that stuff about taking responsibility really lost its meaning when the heart decided to take control over the mind. The truth was that she spent too much time thinking instead of feeling. Thinking about what was best for her, for her kids, for Peter, even for the firm. But she didn't really take the time to stop and _feel_.

She took a moment to look at the man sitting in front of her in expectation. She couldn't deny he was attractive. But what exactly was so attractive _about_ him? His strong personality? _Well, that was unquestionable._ He was just good looking? _No, she had learnt to distinguish love from sex long ago._ Was it something more that she still couldn't define? _What exactly_?

"I don't know... but I want to find out." Those were the words she told to her brother and her honest answer to Tom's question.


	13. Chapter 13

The feeble streetlights illuminated the room outlining two blurred silhouettes standing, as the door closed behind them with a soft bang.

Alicia was still wondering what had come of all her good intentions, as she turned to look at Tom, standing next to her. In the dead silence, she could hear distinctly their irregular breathing and her own heart beating wildly, frantically.

Neither of them dared to move or to turn the lights on, afraid it might break some sort of spell. Or maybe they were just afraid to catch any sign of second thoughts in each other's looks.

In the semi-dark, only their eyes shone, smoldering, gleaming with excitement, desire, fear and anxiety. Still, they left no room for doubt that right now they wanted, they _needed _the same thing. It was written all over their faces, in the way they slowly, hesitatingly moved closer to each other, reducing to a bare breath the distance between them, as they stood there, unable for a moment to decide as to who was going to take the first step.

Alicia remembered the words she told him only minutes before about wanting them to happen, and decided it was time for her to act. After all the times she turned him down, making his every attempt fail miserably, she felt the need to give him some proof that they were in it _together_. She closed the little distance left with a soft, attempted, shy kiss.

It lasted a brief moment. The fleeting hesitation quickly left, leaving room to be filled with hushed longing, as their kisses became deep, passionate, hungry, and unrestrained.

She felt Tom's hands running up her thighs, on her dress, searching for the zipper, as she started her own fight with the buttons of his shirt.

She couldn't help but think that men knew nothing of practicalness, or they wouldn't wear so many clothes with the even remote chance of having to take them off. Alicia's dress was already gone and she barely managed to take his shirt off.

But much to their benefit, she noted that they compensated the scarce practicalness with an exceptional speed in taking their clothes off, as Tom quickly stepped out of his trousers. Was that the result of years of practice? She didn't really want to know.

All she knew was that a moment later they were lying on the soft and scented sheets of the bed, taking off what was still left of their clothes.

Alicia had a moment of hesitation as she felt Tom's hands on her now naked body. Were they really aware of what they were doing? Were they really ready to face all the repercussions ensuing from a moment of passion?

She ran her hands through his slightly curly hair and gently guided his face to meet her eyes, searching for either some sign of doubt from his side too, or the reassurance that they would be fine. But there wasn't any hint of doubt in the way Tom looked at her, longingly. Instead, she felt him caressing her thighs with firm, strong hands, running up to her hips to cover her ass.

His hold was firm but at the same time betrayed a slight insecurity. There was a touch of possessiveness in the way he held her tight, devouring her mouth, her neck, and her breasts with hungry kisses. It was both at the same time, a source of anxiety and reassurance.

The thought of _belonging _again to someone terrified her, but at the same time she couldn't help orbiting this man like a small planet that fights vainly against gravity.

All she could do was to let herself go; she clung on to his waist and sighed deeply as he entered her with vigorous, long thrusts. Holding him in a tight embrace, she breathed deeply into his strong smell of some masculine perfume she couldn't recognize. It wasn't just cologne for sure. Its smell, fresh and lightly musked, mixed with a hint of sweat, was inebriating.

The tension that had built up over the months was explosive, overwhelming, uncontrollable; it took control of their bodies, silencing their minds.

Alicia thought that her heart couldn't beat any faster than that without exploding. She wanted, she _needed_ some release after months of holding back feelings she kept on pretending that didn't exist. And she needed it quickly. The increasing pace of Tom's thrusts was the clear sign that he needed the same. She didn't care about foreplay, or teasing. And apparently he didn't care either, as they devoured each other's mouths, inebriated with passion. After all, they had the rest of the night to take their time and savor each and every moment, again and again. Right now, she only cared about the orgasm taking over her body as she gave in to the increasing pleasure, her hands clung tightly to the firm muscles of his back; it was only a moment before she felt Tom's own release into her, collapsing on to her in a tight embrace.

* * *

The early morning brought to Alicia the dream of soft hands caressing her, delicately, lightly brushing the soft skin of her arms. They were somewhat familiar but couldn't recognize whom they belonged to. It felt so real, vivid. In the half-sleep, she realized she wasn't dreaming. Still drowsy, she stiffened, peeved by a mischievous sunbeam piercing through the curtains. She opened one eye, refusing to wake up, as she tried to remember where she was. With its maroon curtains and the light creamy walls with spatula effect, the place wasn't familiar at all. She clearly wasn't in her bed. A soft kiss on her shoulder brought her back down on earth. _The dinner. Tom_. _Oh my God_. Their first passionate, wild lovemaking. She blushed at the memory. The second time, sweet, taking their time, greedily exploring each other's bodies, fully enjoying every kiss and caress, slowly. _Oh my God_.

She slowly rolled on her other side to meet his eyes and his soft smile.

"Good morning," he said in a whisper.

"Good morning," she replied, her voice barely audible, as she leaned closer, slightly unsure, letting him place a soft kiss on her lips. His touch on her skin was the same firm one of the previous night, just softer, light, probably appeased in the senses; it sent her slight shivers down her back.

The awakening threw in their faces all those complications they deftly, defiantly – or irresponsibly - chose to ignore the night before. _The trial. Peter. Her kids. The firm. The trial. Disclosure. _Were they going to regret it? With her gaze fixed on Tom's eyes, she was searching for some shadow of regret, or worry. If he regretted it, he was very good in hiding it. Still, she could read some worry in his hesitant smile. Or he must have sensed her discomfort and anxiety. Her brain's gears were spinning so fast that he could probably hear them colliding into each other.

"Is everything alright?" He asked, a hint of concern in his voice.

Was everything alright? Looking away, Alicia didn't answer straightaway. Not everything was alright. There were a lot of things to discuss. What was happening between them in the first place? What did they expect from each other? How were they going to handle their situation in public? Were they even going to make it public? Everything was so new to her that it was almost terrifying. Yes, there had been Will before, but if she had to be honest, she always knew what she wanted from their relationship, she always knew that it was not meant to last.

On the other hand, her thoughts went to the dinner, to their night together. She was so comfortable with him. She loved how he could so easily make her smile, laugh, and blush. He had the ability to touch all her weak spots and make her forget all her worries in the space of a few seconds. He was a walking temptation. And she had decided the night before to just stop and not resist temptations. It proved to be worth all her inner turmoil and conflicts. She couldn't recall ever wanting something so badly, still being so scared about it. And what scared her even more was that she was pretty sure that it wasn't just sexual chemistry, but as to what she felt, she still didn't know it for sure. She only knew that she didn't want to lose it. It was the chance of something new, the chance to start all over again, but with the advantage of all her experiences, bad or positive.

She looked back at Tom, whose gaze was fixed on her, expectantly. She smiled softly, trying to reassure him that she wasn't regretting anything. All her worries weren't about him, about them. It was about her allowing herself, for once, to _feel._ "Yes," she simply said, as she nuzzled up against his chest. She enjoyed the morning sweet cuddling for a while, his soft caresses and kisses, before taking the initiative and moving on top of him, returning his endearing gestures with more steamy, tantalizing ones.


	14. Chapter 14

After a weekend that still felt unreal, the detestable alarm clock on Monday morning and a phone call from Diane brought Alicia back to the reality of her every day life.

Diane said they needed to discuss something important. She had panicked for a moment at the thought she might already know about her and Tom, before realizing it was beyond impossible and decided to classify her reaction with a single word: paranoia.

Now standing outside her boss's office, she waited patiently till Diane gestured for her to step in.

Sitting in her chair, Diane was talking on the phone with an associate. "No, it's a good deal, take the six months," she concluded, then hung up.

"You said you needed to talk to me." Alicia said, as she took a seat in front of her, trying to sound and look as natural as possible.

"Yes," Diane started, looking her straight in the eyes. "We need to talk about the Juarez trial."

Alicia felt a slight shiver running down her spine. "There's only the closing arguments left to discuss," she said, her tone asking for a confirmation.

"Exactly," Diane confirmed, "and I would like you to give them."

Alicia froze for a moment, before stiffening uncomfortably in her chair. "W… what? Why me?"

Diane eyed her up and down. It was something she sometimes did, probably unconsciously, and certainly not meant to make people nervous. Maybe it was just her way to gather her thoughts before coming out with an answer. Under different circumstances, Alicia probably wouldn't even notice, but today she was a bundle of nerves and definitely oversensitive to every external factor.

"Because there is something in you," Diane said as she leaned slightly forward, "that unsettles that prosecutor."

Alicia swallowed. Diane clearly didn't notice how that same prosecutor had pretty much the same effect on her.

"I don't know what it is," Diane went on.

_No, you really have no idea_, Alicia thought.

"But if there is even the slightest chance to make his closing argument more difficult, I'm going to exploit it," she concluded.

Diane's quiet and confident tone was a striking contrast with Alicia's emotional upheaval. What was she supposed to do now? Tell the truth? _No way_. What if for some reason their relationship was to be leaked before the verdict? _No, nobody knew it so there was no fear_. After all, that's what she and Tom had agreed. Keep everything private for a while, wait and see how things would evolve between them – because, let's face it, one dinner and a night of good sex weren't enough to even start to define what they had as a relationship – and wait till the inescapable day they would find themselves against each other in a trial, again. The closing arguments were something they never even took into account, since Diane was the one supposed to deliver them. At least she was till one minute before.

"Okay," Alicia said, trying to hide her concern behind an imperfect poker face.

"Is there any problem?" Diane asked, probably catching her hesitation.

"No." Alicia's answer came out hurried in the attempt to dissipate any doubt. With a forced smile, she stood up and left.

Heading back to her office, she was assaulted by an unpleasant sense of guilt for lying to her boss. One of them at least. The other one was in front of her, deep in conversation with David Lee. For a moment she considered talking to him but quickly put the idea aside as she already knew what his advice would be.

She walked past him with hurried steps before she could change her mind, only to stop a few steps forward. _Damn me and my pangs of conscience_.

She caught Will's faint smile as their eyes met, and his body turning, almost imperceptibly, towards her. Once David Lee left, she approached him, her arms nervously folded. "Do you have a minute?"

Will gestured for her to follow him back to his office. "Sure, for what?" He asked. His voice sounded reassuring, as if he caught her anxiety.

While he took a few steps towards his desk, Alicia just stopped in the doorway, hesitatingly. "I need your advice...," she said with a faint voice.

Will acknowledged her with some concern in his expression. He waited before asking. "Legal or personal?"

Alicia thought about it for a moment. Considering the situation, the problem didn't really fit in a single category. "Both…"

Will gave her an understanding look and moved to close the door behind them. "What happened?"

"Diane put me in charge for the closing arguments in the Juarez trial," she said, following Will with her eyes as he sat at his desk.

"Good, you did an excellent job on that case," he said with a smile.

"No, it's not good, Will…," she said and realized how frustrated she sounded. She sat in front of him and hesitated for a moment, catching the concerned look in Will's eyes. She sighed, breathing in the courage to go on with the admission. "Do you remember… the talk we had about… Tom Bryant?" She unconsciously looked down, a bit for the discomfort, a bit for the memory of the bitter undertone of that conversation.

Will stared at her for a moment, silently. Clearly lost in thought, his mind was probably working to get the meaning of her words. "Is it… what I think it is?" He finally asked, with concern.

Alicia didn't answer, she nodded, clasped her hands on her lap and looked down. The silence that followed could have easily caused a new ice age. She watched as Will stood up from his chair and looked out of the window; she didn't dare to move, or to say anything.

"Does Diane know?" Will finally asked. Alicia followed his eyes as he quickly peeked into Diane's office before turning back to face her. His expression showed that he clearly already had the answer. Still, his voice sounded softer than what she expected it to be. She didn't know if it was for honest concern, or just resignation.

"No," she said. She was feeling guilty. She didn't like to feel guilty over something that was supposed to bring only happiness into her life. But these were exactly the consequences and responsibilities they knew would eventually present themselves along the way. It was just happening sooner than expected. "What should I do?" She already knew what his answer would be, yet she was still hoping he would understand the situation.

"The law is quite clear about it," he said. His face showed a hint of displeasure.

Alicia knew very well that the law provided for disclosure in the case of a personal relationship between opposing counsels. She looked at him, between crestfallen and pleading. "I don't… Will, please… we can't…." She had a moment of hesitation. Disclosure would undoubtedly entail Peter finding out about her and Tom, and that was something she'd rather postpone indefinitely until she was ready to share, only then when the moment really required it.

"If the State's Attorney finds out…," Will lowered his voice, and leaned forward, bringing the conversation on a more personal level.

Alicia shook her head. "Peter doesn't know anything about it, I assure you," she said, her own voice lowered, matching Will's discretion.

"You have to tell Diane," he said. His voice was soft and understanding, but left no room for further discussion.

Alicia shook her head, resigned, and with her gaze she followed Will as he stood up and walked to the door, gesturing for her to follow him. She followed him silently, preparing herself for Diane's reaction.

As they stepped in, Diane gave them both a questioning and confused look.

"There is something we need to discuss," Will started, while he took a seat and silently invited Alicia to do the same.

"Is there a problem?" Diane asked, eying them both.

Alicia hesitated. She turned to search in Will's expression the reconfirmation that this was needed, that she really had to reduce such an intimate and unique moment of her life to an undesired and unexpected issue for a damn trial. "I… actually yes," she finally said as she gave her attention back to Diane.

Diane's look was still confused. "Exactly what kind of problem are we talking about?"

"The closing argument," Alicia said, taking more time to put the words together in a quick and painless answer. "I… I'm… I'm in a relationship with the prosecutor," she finally threw out. She took a deep breath and forced herself not to look down.

Diane's gaze was fixed on her, grave and inscrutable. She opened her mouth twice, as to speak, but her voice was apparently refusing to cooperate.

Alicia caught a hint of disappointment in her eyes, in the way she stuck up her nose and looked away for a moment. She had seen that look before…

"Damn, Alicia." _Here we go_. "I'm already having a hard time with Will sleeping around, at least you, now…!"

Will cleared his throat, loudly. "I am here, in case you didn't notice…", Will pointed out. He faked outrage, but everyone in that room knew him well enough to know that Diane was right.

Diane shook her head, looking frustrated. "Why can't you all just... _work_ and stop complicating my life? If the State's Attorney finds out…"

"We already discussed this," Will interrupted her, calmly.

"It might compromise the whole trial," Diane insisted, diverting the conversation to Will, letting out a heavy sigh. She looked around, probably considering all the possible consequences.

Alicia suddenly felt little and invisible, her situation discussed as if it were a disease, as if she weren't even in the room.

"What do you think?" Diane asked Will.

Alicia caught Diane giving her another of those looks of complete disappointment. She was once used to them, even found them defiant at that time. What a different person she was back then. And what a different situation it was now. She and Tom were trying to build something, while everyone around them had apparently every interest to tear it down.

"At this point of the trial, the disclosure would probably only hurt us," Will said.

Alicia was surprised to see him taking her defence. After all, he was the one insisting that she should tell Diane. But maybe, she was starting to understand why he did it.

"The jury might be led to think that the prosecution favored us, are we willing to risk it?" Will asked, looking straight at Diane.

"What if the prosecution itself uses the disclosure against us?" Diane suddenly asked.

"No." Alicia's reply was firm and crisp, bringing back on her the attention of her bosses. She'd listened quietly, patiently, as they discussed the repercussions of her love life on a client. But this was something she couldn't accept. "He would never do that," she replied, trying to hide the rising discomfort. "It's against his own interest," she went on.

"Against his _personal_ interest maybe," Diane pointed out. There was a hint of annoyance in her voice that Alicia didn't like. "But what about his professional interest?"

There was something that Diane clearly couldn't see, Tom's professional interest wouldn't reap anything good out of Peter knowing. But it was just Diane's fear, and something that she couldn't share with her. Alicia had no doubt that Tom would never use her, _them_, to his profit. Or would he? Did she really know him that well? _No_. Could she really trust him that far? Her stomach knotted at the realization that what was tying them together was nothing more than a very thin, fragile relationship at its very beginning; at that frail stage where everything still had to be built, _trust included_.


	15. Chapter 15

Blissfully abandoned in Tom's embrace, her wavy hair unruly loose on the pillow, Alicia was voluptuously enjoying the sweet moment of cuddling that followed their passionate lovemaking. She loved these moments. She loved to lie in his arms and let him run his hands over her body, softly. His touch was light and tickled her skin, sending little shivers down her spine every time his hand reached the sensitive skin right above her breasts, following the path drawn by the sheets.

It was the night before the closing arguments, a night when they weren't even supposed to meet. Still, here they were; in that same quiet hotel room, surrounded by those same walls that only a few days before had silently witnessed their first time together, they had succeeded to carve out a precious little moment for themselves. Tom's invitation to go to his home was politely declined. Alicia couldn't stop thinking that they were going too fast, and to bring their relationship to their respective homes would definitely mark another step forward.

Trying to postpone as much as possible the inevitable separation with idle chatter, they had somehow ended up talking about Tom's childhood.

"You still didn't answer," Alicia asked with a smile, her eyes magnetically fixed on his.

Tom returned her smile, then looked up and stared at the ceiling, apparently lost in some memory. "I grew up between flocks of sheep and Irish green fields."

"Mmmm," Alicia murmured in appreciation, as she rolled to her side to better face him. "Now I get where that sexy accent comes from," she said, teasingly, as she leaned closer to steal another soft kiss. She felt Tom's embrace become tighter around her waist and his hand going to rest on the gentle curve at the bottom of her back. Neither of them broke eye contact, not even for the briefest instant.

"I was six when we moved to New York City… It was a blow to suddenly find myself surrounded by all those awful skyscrapers," Tom said, with a shadow of melancholy in his voice.

Alicia stared deeply into his eyes. For a moment, she could see the young kid he once was, with all his sorrow and the bitterness for having to leave his homeland and everything that went with it.

"So, when I missed home, I used to go to the zoo to see the sheep…," he said with a light laugh.

Alicia looked at him for a moment, trying with all her might to hold back a laugh, but failed miserably as she burst into laughter. A good, hearty laughter, like she hadn't done in ages.

Tom gave her an amused look and smiled softly, his eyes fixed on hers. She watched his expression slowly turning from amused to soft, becoming longing and languishing. His dark eyes, so enrapturing with those soft and attractive green streaks wouldn't leave hers.

"You know you should be working on your closing arguments, don't you?" She asked softly, knowing their moment would soon be over.

"I know," he whispered. "I should go now," he said with a bit of displeasure in his voice, as he moved to stand up.

"Don't go," Alicia pleaded with him, reaching up to kiss him. Once, twice, more soft kisses to convince him to stay.

"Are you trying to corrupt me?" Tom asked, returning the kisses. Suddenly he didn't seem to want to leave anymore.

Alicia gave him a soft, faux candid smile. "Mmmmh… yes. Does it work?"

Tom responded with a mild laugh. "No," he said as he placed a light kiss on her lips. "I'm indifferent to your charm when it comes to work," he added, but his treacherous eyes were unmasking his miserable lie.

Work. The closing arguments. Why did everything have to be so damn complicated? Suddenly she remembered her earlier conversation with Diane. _His interest_.

"Tom?" she asked with some hesitation, looking at him doubtfully. She saw the change in Tom's expression as he sat on the bed, right beside her.

"Yes?" He asked softly.

"If you had no other option… would you…," she hesitated for a moment and looked down, suddenly unable to keep his gaze. "Would you use our relationship… against me?" She asked with a faint voice. She didn't want to offend him, but at the same time she needed some reassurance. As she looked up to meet his eyes, she saw the confusion and concern in his eyes.

"What do you mean?" Tom asked.

Alicia suddenly felt guilty for asking. Still, Diane's words wouldn't leave her. "I mean… disclose us… to turn the trial to your favor," she whispered, in the vain hope that he wouldn't hear.

"No." His answer was simple, harsh, and gave away the hurt for her lack of trust.

_Great_. She had just ruined their last moments together. She looked away. She didn't want to see the hurt in his eyes. The silence that followed was unbearable, till she felt Tom's hand on her chin, gently turning her face back at him.

"I can only imagine what you've been through," he started, his offense turning into understanding. "And I know it's not easy to start all over again, but… you have to trust me," he said, looking straight into her eyes. _Trust._ "If we want… _this_ to work."

She watched as he got close and placed a light kiss on her forehead, his warmth was soothing. She gave him a soft smile and followed his every move as he stood up and started to dress. She wanted to trust him, she really wanted it. It was just a part of her character that got lost among the scandals. It was a part of her character that she would eventually need to find again.


	16. Chapter 16

Alicia couldn't remember ever feeling so anxious over a verdict. She spent more time repeating to herself that she shouldn't look at Tom than paying attention to the closing arguments. Between Diane's disappointment and the unpleasant sensation left from the trust conversation with Tom, she felt caught between two fires. Alicia closed her eyes, her hands sweaty and clenched in anguish as the jury foreman stood up, ready to say that one simple word – or two, if she was lucky - that would either give her a win-win situation or seriously compromise everything. She held her breath as the foreman slowly and carefully unfolded the important piece of paper, then solemnly pronounced: "Not guilty."

At that moment everything stopped, she neither heard the rest of the verdict, nor the judge close the session. Her head was still whirling, blurred by the unconsciously self-imposed lack of air. She turned upon feeling Mr. Juarez' light touch on her shoulder and realized it was definitely over only when she met his triumphant, relieved smile and his firm handshake.

Then, only then, did she allow herself to give a discreet, sidelong peek at the prosecution table. Her eyes met an empty chair, wiping the smile off her face. She instinctively turned around and saw Tom at the back of the courtroom, deep in discussion with Peter. As if feeling her gaze, Peter turned to give her a quick smile. She felt a tight grip in her stomach and quickly turned her attention back to Diane and their client.

She wondered if Peter knew. If she had found herself in the situation of having to leak their relationship, was there a chance that Tom had too? She shook her head. No, Tom would have told her. And Peter's smile reassured her that he was in the dark.

Her phone bleeping interrupted the flow of frantic thoughts before they could get out of control. "Verdict?" Kalinda's texts depicted her perfectly. The less the best.

In the attempt to prevent her thoughts from taking control of her mind again, Alicia quickly dialed Kalinda's number. She silently excused herself to Diane and quickly left the courtroom.

"Not guilty," she said as she heard the connection on the other end.

"Good. Tequila?" Kalinda asked. Her voice sounded a bit breathless. Even through a phone, Alicia could hear her hurried steps and unconsciously took the same pace to walk past the two men the quickest possible way, careful to avoid their looks.

"I need to fix something first," she said, as she stopped right outside the door, watching the disorderly mix-up of people leaving and coming as a new session was about to start. "In one hour?" She asked, vaguely distracted by the chaos surrounding her. Among the crowd, she spotted Peter leaving and sighed in a very short-lived relief as she caught Tom following him out very closely and stopping outside, glancing around till he spotted her. His inscrutable gaze fixed on her. "I gotta go, I'll call you back later," she said and quickly hung up.

The doors of the courtroom closed, confining all the confusion behind the wall, as only a few people were left in the hallway, gathered in a small, quiet group.

Tom took few steps towards her, as a light smile formed on his face. "So… congratulations on the win," he said softly.

"Thank you," she replied, returning the smile. Just one little smile and all her previous anxiety – part of it, at least - was forgotten. She wondered if he had spent so much time reviewing their conversation from last night as she did. Probably not. Probably she was just over-thinking.

"So… we can officially celebrate now." Tom's voice was quiet, slightly teasing.

"I thought we already did," Alicia replied with a mild, soft laugh. _The dinner. Everything that followed the dinner. Yes, there was no doubt about it. They already did_. It felt like it was long ago. As a matter of fact, it was only five days. Five days in which everything happened, including having to disclose her newborn relationship to her bosses.

The phone, still held tight in her hands, reminded her that she had already promised Kalinda they'd celebrate together. "I… I have already promised a celebration drink to a friend," she said in apology.

"Should I be jealous?" He asked, faking worry.

"You might…," she nodded with an amused smile. "I have to go now," she apologized, her gaze down as she toyed with her phone. "Can I call you later?" She asked in a whisper. The thought of that conversation just wouldn't leave her. She didn't want Tom to think that she didn't trust him. She truly, deeply _wanted_ to trust him. Her heart kept on saying that she could trust him. Would she even have given him a chance if she didn't? After all that she'd been through, probably not. But sometimes her mind prevailed and let resurface old memories she couldn't forget, making room for worries and unjustified fears.

"Sure," Tom replied, his voice low, matching her tone. "Is everything alright?"

Alicia looked up and met the hint of concern in his eyes. With a soft smile, she tried to dissipate any worry. "Yes," she replied.

Tom stood there for a moment, maybe pondering the sincerity of her simple answer. He leaned closer, only a couple of steps, enough for his hand to rest on her arm, briefly, gently. "Okay," he said.

The instinct brought Alicia to further reduce the distance, till only a few inches were left between them. "Okay," she repeated in acknowledgement. Her gaze unconsciously shifted from his eyes to his mouth. Two people talking walked past them. The words _evidence_ and _fingerprints_ reminded her that they were in an unsafe place. She peeped around to make sure that no prying eyes were taking notice. She gave Tom a seductive smile then turned to leave, walking slowly, letting her hips sway to send a message as she felt his eyes still locked on her.

* * *

The strong taste of tequila was still burning in her throat. She definitely needed it.

"Another shot?" Kalinda asked, turning her eyes to the empty glasses in front of them.

She'd certainly welcome another one. "I'd rather not go back to the office drunk," Alicia said, throwing a knowing look at her friend.

Kalinda certainly didn't worry, as she gestured at the bartender to pour some more for herself. "So," she started, "what did you do to upset Diane so much?"

With everything that had happened, Alicia realized she hadn't briefed her yet over the most recent changes in her love life. Maybe she needed another shot indeed. With a light gesture, she kindly asked the man on the other side of the bar to pour more for her too. She felt Kalinda's bemused gaze on her as she swallowed the liquid, emptying the glass with one quick sip. She grimaced as the burning seeped down through her throat, leaving a warming and welcome feeling of relaxation. "I slept with the prosecutor," she said very quietly, under the liberating effect of tequila. She didn't need to look at Kalinda. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw her astonished smile and sipped the very last drop of liquid from her glass.

"I'm shocked," Kalinda said with a tone between teasing and amused.

"You didn't see this one coming, did you?" Alicia asked with a light laugh. She was so used to Kalinda reading her every gesture, thought, expression, that she openly exulted at the exceptional event.

"How serious is this?" Kalinda's question came out unexpected. She clearly knew her enough to know that she wasn't the sleeping-around kind, unlike Diane, who apparently seemed to think it.

With only a hint of a smile on her face, Alicia looked down and stared into the empty glass, lost in thought. How serious was that? "I…," she started with some hesitation, not sure what to say herself. Could she honestly quantify the depth of her feelings? "I don't know… I mean…," she paused, then turned and looked at Kalinda, who was staring at her, all ears. "Everything happened so fast and I…" She hesitated. Tom's image flashed in front of her, she could still feel his light touch on her arm, together with that urging need to kiss him, to let herself sink into his embrace. She felt butterflies in her stomach and realized she had her answer. "Probably way more serious than it should be at this point, this… _soon_," she said looking down. She could never allow herself to even think, let alone to tell her feelings out loud, so she quickly banished the words before they could combine themselves together in a full sentence.

Kalinda gave her a soft, understanding smile and nodded. "How does it feel?"

Alicia looked away, staring into the distance, pensively. A soft, sweet smile formed on her face, hesitantly, shyly. "Exciting, overwhelming, intoxicating…," she said. Her voice, slightly wavering, revealed the genuine depth of her feelings. "Scary… and terrifyingly intense," she concluded, as she looked back at Kalinda. The understanding smile on her face could only mean nothing good. "This… this doesn't necessarily mean I'm in love… does it?" She asked, with some hesitation.

Kalinda didn't reply. She gazed down at her glass, smiling, then looked up to her again. "Let's say…," she looked away for a moment, thoughtfully, "no, not necessarily," she said.

Alicia carefully studied her expression. For some reason, she thought that her words didn't match her amused face. She let out a mild laugh and shook her head. "Oh my God, I must sound like a teenager with a bad crush," she said in disbelief.

Kalinda's smile widened. "You sound like someone happy," she said, then quickly added, "and clearly in strong contrast with her conscience," she said, nodding.

"I don't want to come into conflict with my own conscience," Alicia said, thoughtfully. "It's just… everything happened so fast… I'm not ready for something like… _this_." She turned to look at Kalinda. She was serious, listening in silence as she gave vent to all those overwhelming feelings that till then had been held back. Alicia decided to move the topic to something lighter. "He's cute, isn't he?" She asked.

Kalinda took a moment before replying. "I guess," she said, faking doubt.

Alicia wondered for a moment what kind of guy could meet the taste of a _flexible_ woman. A quick glance at the clock, she realized that their celebration lasted longer than expected. "I have to go," she said, and let out a heavy sigh. She really wasn't in the mood to go back to the firm. Not to mention, there still was a certain phone call that needed to be made. With two shots of tequila running through her veins, she wasn't even sure if she should call Tom or not. Well, she probably freaked him out with her anxiety attack. At least an explanation was due. But maybe sober would be better… "See you back later," she said as she stood to leave.

"Yep," Kalinda replied, not showing any intention to leave the chair.


	17. Chapter 17

"And Cat's mom is remarrying," Grace said very quietly. Alicia and the kids had established months before that Wednesday evening was their gossip night. All three of them were sitting comfortably on the warm carpet in the living room, where they shared the news of the week. Broken friendships, new loves, poor figures or special events. Everything was a good topic for discussion. It was a nice and usually very funny way to spend the night; at the same time, Alicia felt like it helped her to not lose contact again with her kids. After that day when Grace went missing, she had always made sure to give them all the time and attention they needed and this was a good occasion to say whatever crossed their minds, either good or bad.

"Really?" She asked, curious. "With whom?" She loved to be part of their social life, she loved the enthusiasm in their eyes when she showed genuine interest in their business.

"A teacher from the Spanish course," Grace replied, not hiding her excitement for sharing such a juicy bit of gossip.

Alicia opened her mouth in fake disbelief. She knew Cat's mom, she had known for months that she was dating that man. She even knew that her ex-husband wasn't too pleased, being himself a teacher in the same school. "This is worth the prize for gossip of the week!" She said with a wide smile. That situation reminded her of her own, and she suddenly realized she still hadn't called Tom. A sense of guilt crept over her, but it wasn't like she could leave the kids there and interrupt their night for a phone call to her… how was she even supposed to define him? Boyfriend? Lover? Fiancé? Intimate friend? Whatever… they didn't even know of his existence. With indifference, she quickly glanced at the phone on the coffee table. _Damn_.

"Mom?" Grace asked with a faint voice. There was a bit of uncertainty in the way her daughter pronounced that word.

"Yes?" Alicia asked, softly, with a sweet smile on her face.

"Will you and dad… start… seeing other people?" Grace asked.

"Of course they will," Zach cut in. He'd quietly listened till then, while Grace told them all of everything that had happened in the whole county. He was more a listener, he had always been, but when it came to family affairs, he always voiced his opinion.

Alicia was taken aback by Grace's question. She didn't see that coming and, honestly enough, she hoped they wouldn't have such a conversation. "I… I guess… it might happen… yes," she said, trying to hide her discomfort. She had promised herself that she wouldn't lie to her kids anymore and here she was, again… "Why are you asking?" She asked, with some concern. Because after all, Grace didn't normally ask questions unless she had a real concern. Did she do something that might have given away her relationship? No, she was pretty sure she didn't.

"What will happen then? I mean… what will happen to us? To all of us?" Zach asked, sounding a bit unsure.

Alicia was starting to understand what they meant. A new man in her life would inevitably mean, sooner or later, a man in their lives too. And in their home. Or the other way around… Alicia shook her head. These were all things she had not taken into account, that she had no definite thought to consider so early. Not now, only few days into her relationship with Tom. There were bigger and more urgent issues. She shrugged. "I… I don't know," she said honestly. "I think that if, and when, it will happen, we'll find a solution together," she reassured them.

Alicia's phone started to vibrate on the table, making her jump as she read the name on the display._ Tom_. She counted herself lucky for not having changed the name in the index, as "Mr. Bryant" kept flashing on the screen. "It's work," she said, rushing to take the phone, "I'll be back in one minute," she apologized, her heart throbbing, as she quickly left the living room and entered her bedroom, careful to close the door behind her.

She breathed in, deeply, then answered. "Hello?" Her voice was still faltering.

"Hey," Tom said on the other end. His voice sounded so sweet, even on the phone.

"Hey," she said. "I… I'm sorry… I said I'd call and I…" Alicia couldn't find the proper way to apologize. A whole day and she didn't find five damn minutes to make a call.

"No, it's okay…" Tom said. "I was… I was worried... you seemed… nervous… concerned," he said.

Okay. There was no way this conversation would be over in one minute. She sat on her bed, then let herself sink on the soft mattress. She let out a heavy sigh. "I… I've been thinking a lot…" She paused, meeting a complete and uncomfortable silence on the other end. "About the conversation we had yesterday…"

"Alicia…" Tom started, "it's okay…"

"No, it's not," she interrupted him. Her voice, even in a whisper, was firm. "I don't… I don't want you to think… that I don't trust you." She finally said it.

"And I don't," Tom said, quietly. He paused for a moment that, brief as it was, it felt unbearable.

Alicia's eyes were fixed on the ceiling, thoughtfully. "I'm complicated," she whispered.

On the other end, she could hear a light sigh: she could see his sweet smile even through the phone.

"I know it," he said softly.

"_Very_ complicated," she pointed out.

"Are you trying to scare me away?" Tom asked, with a hint of amusement in his voice. She loved how, even in front of her doubts and constant back and forward, he never seemed to worry, bringing to their relationship, to _her_, that confidence she needed.

"No…," she said, slightly shaking her head. Her farthest thought would be to push him away. "I just want you to be prepared," she whispered, with a sweet, yet bitter smile.

"Okay," he simply said, "then I'm ready." His voice was confident and bemused at the same time, making Alicia smile to herself. "I have an early meeting tomorrow," Tom started again. "I thought… we might have breakfast together?"

Breakfast. She loved it. It implied seeing him again in few hours. And right now, his soft voice on the phone was making her wish it was already morning. "Sure," she said with a wide, warm smile. "I… I gotta go now," she said in apology. The kids were in the living room waiting for her.

"Okay, see you tomorrow then…" He said, then paused. "Good night."

"Good night," she repeated, then hung up. She remained lying like that for a moment, smiling, her phone held tight on her chest. She couldn't do it. Throwing all her fears and doubts on Tom was wrong. Unfair to him and certainly unhealthy for such a young relationship. Silently, she promised to herself to try and let herself go a little more, enjoying only the positive. The earlier conversation about Cat's mother reminded her of how early in their relationship they were. She had all the time she needed to face the responsibilities later, step by step, with Tom, together.

* * *

Sitting at the small table in a very reserved, quiet cafeteria, Alicia was waiting for Tom's arrival. The aroma of coffee mixed with the enticing smell of the warm, freshly baked croissants was tempting, but she had promised herself to wait for him. The anxiety for the early morning meeting had led her to arrive well in advance and she decided to spend the time working on the new case. It turned out to be a bad idea, since there was really nothing promising. Not a scrap of evidence that might in some way clear the girl of the charges. Under different circumstances, this would be the perfect way to ruin her day, but Alicia knew that in a few minutes, Tom would walk through the door behind her and cheer her up. She gave a last look at the pictures, frustrated and resigned.

A sudden clamor distracted her from her thoughts. Two tables away, a couple was arguing heatedly. Alicia stared as the man sprang up and left. Her eyes lingered for a moment on the woman: she could read on her face the pride that made her hold the tears back. It was like re-watching herself few years back.

Alicia had a start, as she felt Tom's gentle kiss on her neck. So lost in her thoughts, she hadn't even heard him approaching. A pleasant shiver ran down her spine, as she very discreetly peeped around. "Hey," she said relieved, with a soft smile on her face.

"Hey," Tom said, returning the smile. "What happened?" He asked, probably noticing her troubled look.

"Nothing," she said, shaking her head in reassurance.

"Already working so soon in the morning?" Tom asked, pointing at the folder, still open on the table.

Only then Alicia realized that the pictures were still scattered on the table. She quickly gathered them and closed the folder. _Damn_. Tom was with the prosecutor's office after all, and wasn't supposed to see them. "I had some time," she explained.

"Which case is that?" He asked, very quietly, almost with indifference.

Alicia studied him for a moment, unsure if she should disclose the information or not. "Rachel Murphy," she said in a whisper. Were they working on the same case once again?

Tom winced upon hearing her client's name.

_Not good_.

"Good luck with it, then…" Tom said. He really looked sorry for her.

Alicia didn't say anything, she gave him a questioning and confused look.

"Matan Brody is on that one," he said in a faint voice, glancing around.

_Uh oh_. Peter's stooge and the worst enemy she could ever wish to meet for such a delicate case. This was bad. Beyond bad. "I wished I could do something for you… but I'm not really on friendly terms with the guy," he said in apology.

For some reason she couldn't find it hard to believe. Tom was Peter's new favorite. At least for now, because she was pretty sure that this idyllic situation wasn't bound to last long.

Alicia shrugged. "I didn't have my hopes high anyway," she said with a resigned tone.

Tom leaned forward, his features softening in a sweet smile.

Alicia gave him a questioning look. "What?" She asked softly.

He didn't answer, but leaned farther forward to close the distance between them with a delicate kiss. Alicia didn't dare to complain, and locked her lips with his, unwilling to break the pleasant, warm contact. She winced as she felt him lean back, breaking the kiss. Till she noticed a presence beside her; the waitress was standing there with a coffeepot in her hands, waiting for an okay to fill their mugs.

"So," Tom started, as the girl quickly did her job and moved to another table, "plans for the weekend?" His voice was so quiet and soft.

_Weekend_. Why did that word suddenly sound so demanding and cause for turmoil? She wasn't used to having _plans_ for the weekend. Not anymore, at least. The weekend was just the union of two consecutive days spent doing absolutely nothing; or working, if she was bored stiff. "Nothing," she answered, not really sure where this would lead. She suddenly realized how the idea of _us_ sounded unreal to her. She hesitated for a moment, then asked, "you?"

Tom shook his head. "Nothing either," he said.

Alicia nodded in acknowledgement. Okay, this was definitely going to lead _somewhere_. With a hint of teasing and a _lot_ of hard gathered audacity, she dared to ask, "What do you have in mind?"

Tom shrugged, a soft smile on his face. "Nothing special…," he started, "dinner?" He paused and looked at her, showing some hesitation. "Maybe…," he lowered his gaze for a brief moment, "at my place…" he asked, his eyes back on her.

Alicia opened her mouth, but words refused to come out. On one side, all her doubts about moving too fast. On the other, her promise to herself to simply enjoy what would come. For a moment, her mind went to her conversation with Kalinda. Happy and conflicted. Damn if she wasn't right. She always was. "I," she hesitated for a moment, her stare fixed at the coffee mug, thoughtfully, before looking back at Tom, meeting his expectant gaze. "Okay…" she said softly.

She saw Tom's smile widening in relief, as he leaned forward again. "Okay…"

Alicia felt a welcome, warm sensation, as Tom's hand moved to cover hers, their fingers entwining, playfully. It was certainly a good way to start the day.

* * *

Sitting in her office, Diane was checking those same files and pictures that Alicia had been through only a couple of hours before. "What do you think?" She asked, not hiding a bit of frustration.

Alicia shrugged. "Honestly? It doesn't look very optimistic," she said. "We might dispute the fingerprints on the kid's body as being absolutely normal, but I guess we wouldn't get less than culpable manslaughter, even with that," she said.

Diane sighed. "Is Kalinda already on that?"

"Yes," Alicia nodded. "Her neighbor was home, he might have heard something, anything that could help, she's checking. In the meantime, I'm meeting Miss Murphy in one hour but," she hesitated for a moment, then added, "Matan Brody is the prosecutor, you know what that means…"

Diane gave her a questioning look. "How do you know?"

Alicia pondered very carefully before answering. "Connections," she finally said with a knowing expression.

Diane didn't comment, but Alicia could swear she saw a very hinted smile on her face. "Okay, inform me if Kalinda finds something," she said, indicating with a light gesture that their meeting was over.

Alicia nodded and stood up. She was about to leave when Diane stopped her at the doorway. "Oh, Alicia," she called her back.

"Yes?" Alicia asked.

"Regarding the conversation we had few days ago…" Diane started.

It didn't require much imagination to understand she was referring to her and Tom.

"I'm not entitled to intervene, or judge, your personal life," Diane said, leaning forward to rest her arms on her desk, "and I'm sorry if I did… but, at the same time, you have to understand that I'm in a very delicate position, right now."

Alicia knew that the firm was still financially precarious and they couldn't afford losing important clients. "I… you don't have to worry about this… I… We won't let our relationship interfere with our respective careers." Her tone was serious, and hid a hint of offence. She was well aware of the complications, but she didn't need being reminded.

"Okay," Diane said, very quietly. "You can go," she dismissed her with a polite smile.


	18. Chapter 18

The peaceful silence that suddenly filled the home felt almost unreal. Alicia placed a soft kiss on Grace's forehead, then softly, carefully closed the door behind her. It was 11:15pm and the weariness of the day was starting to be felt.

As she went back to the kitchen, she caught Owen flipping through the folder of her case like a cars magazine.

"You work too much," he commented as she approached.

"And you should mind your own business a bit more," she replied, as she gathered all the pictures and closed the folder.

"I'm serious," Owen insisted, "you shouldn't bring your work home," Owen said, with a reproaching tone.

"I have to, if I want to give that girl at least a glimmer of hope against Mr. Hyde," she said, and realized how she sounded defeated, as she sat at the table, resting on her elbows.

"Your ex-husband?" Owen said, barely looking at her. His reading gone, he had to look up for something else and was now flipping through some electronic magazine that she had no idea where it came from. It probably belonged to Zach.

Alicia threw him a scathing look, which apparently Owen ignored completely, busy as he was in reading the magazine. There was a moment of silence. Alicia poured herself some wine, she sipped it, slowly but slightly listlessly. The only sound was the steady ticking of the clock behind her.

"So," Owen started, as he closed the magazine in front of him, his attention finally seemed to be back on his sister. "What is the latest love gossip?"

Alicia didn't answer straightaway. Lost in thought, she took another long sip of wine, a blank stare. "He invited me over for the weekend. Well, technically for dinner but… the rest is rather implicit… or not?" She hesitated for a moment, doubtfully.

She looked up to meet Owen's confused look.

"I think… we should take it one step at a time… Did you accept in the first place?" Owen asked, and for the first time that night he sounded serious.

"Yes," she said with a nod.

Owen opened his mouth in faked disbelief. "Good grief! Aren't you moving too fast?"

Alicia sat up straight, giving him her full attention. Hearing her worries put into words by her brother wasn't really reassuring. "You think?" She asked, doubtfully, till she noticed Owen's look turn in to a resigned, and a bit frustrated one.

"I was poking fun at you," Owen said seriously.

This wasn't fun. She had a hard time dealing with her inner conflicts, she didn't need people poking fun at her. Let alone, her own brother. "Well, don't do it again, it's not fun and you should know I'm oversensitive lately," she reproached him.

"Yes," he said with a deep sigh, "this is something I noticed… So, what did he say exactly?" Owen asked, encouraging her to talk with a light gesture.

"He asked me if I had plans for the weekend, I said no," she said, the still half-full glass tight in her hands. "He didn't have plans either then asked me if I felt like having dinner," she told him, then hesitated for a moment, "at his place…"

"Excellent," Owen said, with a certain enthusiasm in his voice.

"What?" Alicia asked, confused.

"That he invited you to his place," he said, as a matter of fact, as he started to pour some wine for himself.

Alicia couldn't get what he was driving at. As for her, it was only a _giant_ step forward. She patiently watched as Owen took a long sip of wine, then stood up, heading to the fridge. She shook her head with a soft smile as she considered how having him around was like being in a family of four again; one more mouth to feed.

"First," he said while chomping something – Alicia had no idea what -, "it means that he has nothing to hide," he explained as he sat back down.

Alicia gave him an amused smile. She was really curious, and a bit worried, to hear another of his crazy theories.

"Second," he went on, "you can study his den and get a better and more concrete picture of him," he said, not hiding a hint of pride.

Alicia gave him a look of disbelief. "I already got the picture, I don't need to pick over his apartment," she protested.

"Watch carefully if he has pictures around, and who they portray," he said, seriously. "If he has pictures of his ex-wife, or any other woman of dubious nature, drop him." With that, he took another sip of wine.

Alicia's eyes were fixed on him, feeling shocked, amused and unbelieving. "What on earth are you talking about?"

"Just giving you some words of advice," he said as he stood up going to the cupboard. Alicia followed him with her gaze as he took a bag of popcorn and sat back down again in the most careless way.

"I don't recall asking you, and by the way, would you stop cleaning my kitchen out?" She asked, slightly annoyed. Although she had to admit that it was fun to have him around.

"As your brother, it's my task to provide support," he said with a nod, "so, as I was saying, mind the pictures. And the decor... Too many ornaments mean that a woman had her hand in it, probably his mother. Another good reason to drop him."

_Pictures? Decor? Mother_? Alicia burst in loud laughter. "Okay, we're bordering on madness," she said, finishing all of the wine in her glass. Damn. Having a heart-to-heart talk with Owen was seemingly impossible without getting drunk.

"And in conclusion…" Owen looked at her, seriously, pausing for a drama effect. "The bathroom cabinet," he whispered with a cavernous voice.

She almost choked on the wine, still running down her throat. Between laughter, she asked amused, "What am I supposed to look for exactly? Pieces of a dead body?"

Owen moved nearer. "Hair remover," he whispered in her ears.

Alicia was bent double with laughter, but forced herself to stifle the sound of her laugh. She really didn't want her kids to hear the topic.

"Be wary of a man that shaves his chest, trust me," he said, emphasizing his words with dramatic gestures.

"I don't think I'm psychologically ready to have this kind of conversation with you," she said, closing her eyes as if it were enough to stop him. Which, clearly, wasn't, as Owen really gave no sign of giving up.

"A man shaving his chest is either bisexual," he explained very quietly.

Alicia closed her ears. Okay, she really didn't want to know, but Owen's voice was louder and crossed the poor self-protection provided by her hands.

"Or has an unrestrained ego, verging on maniacal. It's the kind of man that goes with a woman only to hear her say how hot he is," he went on with his explanation, apparently oblivious of Alicia's protests.

"Okay, I think this is something I should have already noticed," she said, slightly embarrassed.

"I bet that Peter shaved his chest," he said with a confident, yet mocking smile.

"That's it!" She protested, this time seriously.

"Bingo!" Owen gloated.

"Would you mind, just for once, to take me seriously?" She asked him with a hint of annoyance.

Owen looked at her, probably pondering her question. "Yes," he said finally, "because you already spend too much time taking yourself seriously," he said, gravely. "You need me to downplay it, or you wouldn't call me so late at night." His voice was firm, yet soft.

Alicia didn't say anything. If she had to be honest, he was right. She looked down at her empty glass, considering pouring more wine, till she decided against it. "It's just that… everything's so new… starting all over again…" She suddenly felt a tight grip in her stomach. "Feeling something so…," she said, then paused as she looked for the right words, "so intense… for someone I barely know… it scares me…" Her voice was barely a whisper.

Owen sighed and gave her a look she couldn't define. Something between sympathetic and concerned. "Your problem is that you think too much," he said. "I wouldn't be surprised if your mind wouldn't stop even while having sex."

"Can you just stop it?" She pleaded, tired and definitely not in the mood for more jokes.

"Okay, I was kidding… but it's the truth," he said leaning closer, placing a comforting arm around her shoulders. "Are you happy with him?"

She stared off into the distance, lost in thought, as a soft smile formed on her face. "Yes."

"Then stop thinking about anything else," he said as he held her in a tight embrace.

Alicia let herself sink in his comforting hug. Yes, he made her happy, and it should be the only thing that counted. Nothing else.


	19. Chapter 19

The day couldn't have started worse than this for Alicia. Her early meeting with Matan Brody had ended, as expected, with no agreement. She wasn't willing to accept a first degree with 30 years, not without concrete and incontrovertible evidence that her client really killed her kid.

"He said that he heard the baby cry oddly loud," Kalinda started to explain. She had visited the girl's neighbor and was now back, filling in Alicia with her findings. "He said it was a few minutes past 10am because his cuckoo clock had just struck ten," she said, reporting the witness' words.

"Which only adds another piece of evidence against us," Alicia said, letting out a heavy and resigned sigh. Dejected, she took her head in her hands and slightly shook it. "I refuse to believe it," she said in a faint voice, as she kept staring at the pictures in front of her. She looked up to see Kalinda's eyes reflecting her own thoughts. She clearly wasn't alone in her certainty that she was innocent. Still, there wasn't much they could do with the evidence against her piling up with every second. In a fit of nerves, she took all the pictures and reports and slid them back into the folder. Between the negotiation and the meeting with Kalinda, she had spent too much time over it and needed a pause. "I need to take my mind off it for a while," she said, as she stood up and started to leave.

She noticed Kalinda giving her a questioning and astonished look, as she followed her with her eyes. "Where are you going?" She asked.

"Taking a short walk, I need a breath of fresh air" she replied, stopping at the doorway. "Do you wanna keep me company?"

Kalinda shrugged, probably still confused by her unexpected reaction. "Sure," she said with a smile.

* * *

Chicago's traffic wasn't really what could be defined as _breath of fresh air_, but it was better than nothing. Walking down the bustling streets, the flow of people prevented Alicia's mind to linger again on the case.

"So," Kalinda started, walking beside her with the hands in the coat's pockets, "plans for the weekend?"

Alicia raised an eyebrow and hinted a smile. "How is it that suddenly everybody seems to be interested in my plans for the weekend?" She asked, pretending not to understand.

"Because you now have something to plan them around?" She asked with a faux innocent smile.

She really did. She had plans. She had someone to share plans with. Her conversation of the previous night with Owen had eased her tension and fears and helped her see her relationship for what it really was. Two people happy with each other. It was something she really couldn't deny and that was clearly reflected in her eyes. Whenever Tom was mentioned – even only implicitly – her expression lit up and a sweet, dreamy smile appeared on her face. She found it odd that most people didn't notice. Or did they but just pretended they didn't?

"We're having dinner at his home," she said smiling.

"Good, that's a step forward," Kalinda commented with a nod.

"You wouldn't find it good if you had heard my brother's absurd tips," she said, half laughing. "But yes, I guess it's good."

She caught Kalinda glancing at her with a knowing and amused smile on her face.

"What?" Alicia asked confused.

"Nothing," she said and shrugged, "it's just… good to see you like this."

And it felt good to be like that, Alicia thought, her soft smile still painted on her radiant face.

They walked the last few steps back to the firm without talking, silently enjoying each other's presence, till the familiar building brought her back to the gloomy reality of her case.

"Thanks for the small talk." Alicia breathed in, deeply, before stepping out of the elevator and back to her office.

Sitting back at her desk, she flipped through the damn folder, quickly, with no real attention. The talk with Kalinda served its purpose to give her a break. The hardest part now was to regain the concentration. Her eyes fell on the cell phone on her desk. She didn't think twice and scrolled down the recent calls till she found the number she was looking for and pressed the green button, her heart beating fast.

One ring. _Heartbeat_. Two rings. _Come on_. Three rings. _Damn_. Four rings. _Maybe he's busy_. She was about to hang up when she heard the connection on the other end.

"Hey," Tom said, softly. His voice was low, and she could clearly hear the clamor of the SA's office cover his words. She realized that maybe he was _really_ busy.

"Hey," Alicia said in a faint voice. "Sorry… wrong moment?"

"No no no," he reassured her, "I'm back now from a meeting," he said. "Are you ok?" His voice gave away some concern.

Alicia felt his hurried steps, then a sudden quiet. He was very likely back in his office.

"Yes." Why did she even call him? She realized that she didn't have a real reason. "I just… I just… wanted to hear you…" she said, and for a brief moment, she felt stupid and a bit childish. Calling him at work just to hear his voice? Infatuated teenagers did that kind of things, not a responsible adult. Certainly not _her_. Yet, here she was.

But after all, wasn't this what people in love did? _In love_. Only a couple of days before she was asking Kalinda for reassurance that she wasn't necessarily in love. And now she was plainly admitting that heavy and still uncomfortable truth to herself. She was in love. Like it or not. Easy to handle or not. She simply was.

She waited with a bit of anxiety for a reply from Tom's side. Anything that would help her feel less childish, as she silently slapped her forehead in punishment. _Stupid_.

"I'm happy to hear you too," he said. His voice was barely a whisper. "I'm having a bad day myself and this is… you are… what I needed."

_How did he even know she was having a bad day?_

"Still working on Murphy's case?" He asked, as if reading her mind.

Alicia let out a resigned sigh. "Yes," she said, resting her head on her hand. "And I can't seem to find a way out of…" She suddenly realized she was about to give away confidential information and stopped abruptly. "Nothing…" she said. A knock at her door made her jump slightly on her seat. She turned to see Kalinda at her door with a mortified look, to which she replied with a light smile. "I gotta go now," she whispered, with a bit of sorrow in her voice.

"Okay," Tom replied. "Talk to you later?" He asked, with some hesitation.

Alicia smiled softly. "Yes… bye," she said then hung up, giving her attention to Kalinda.

"Sorry," she apologized, "you asked me to remind you of the meeting at 4:00pm."

"Yes, I'm coming." Still smiling, she gave a last look at her phone.


	20. Chapter 20

Alicia's stomach was painfully upset. Between the dinner with Tom and the constant thought of Monday's trial session, she couldn't eat anything. She had thought herself lucky that it was Saturday and the kids weren't home to witness her piteous state. Or maybe it would have been better if they were around? At least they would have provided a distraction. Instead, the morning had gone by with little relief. There was no way she would work on the case, and she had to keep her mind busy at least till 6pm, if she didn't want to go insane. At last, she had opted for a nice, long, hot and relaxing bath. Maybe it didn't keep her mind busy, but it certainly helped to ease the tension.

In spite of her anxiety, she felt completely at ease selecting her clothes for the evening. The green dress was perfect for a dinner at home; low-cut and provocative but not too much, and at the same time comfortable and informal. She had smiled, picturing Tom's reaction once she arrived at his place.

Now, in front of his door, all her confidence crumbled. The beneficial effect of the bath was just a memory. She adjusted the dress. Green? What on earth was she thinking about when she opted for this dress? Not to mention the neckline, which suddenly seemed excessive. _Relax, Alicia. The dress is fine. Relax_. _Think about what Owen had said. Have a nice time, nothing else. Pictures. Decor. Bathroom cabinet._

Okay, maybe it wasn't such a great idea. Alicia shook her head to erase that image, then finally made up her mind and knocked, lightly. She took a deep breath as she heard the steps approaching on the other side of the door, her heart was beating wildly. Till the door opened in front of her. Tom's smile, so warm and sweet, swept away any anxiety.

"Hey," he said, as he got close, welcoming her with a soft, tender kiss. She noticed him discreetly checking her out, his eyes lingering on her décolleté and she smiled, flirtatious and playfully vain.

"Hey," she replied with a faint voice, as Tom stepped aside to let her in. She stopped, only a couple of steps into his apartment, as she slowly, hesitatingly, started to familiarize herself with her new surroundings. It wasn't what she was expecting. Although she had no idea what she was expecting exactly. She wasn't used to venturing into bachelors' apartments. Except Will's which, as far as she could remember, was completely different and definitely bigger. Dark parquet flooring provided a warm feeling to the ambiance through the whole apartment, at least up to where she could see. The walls were painted a light creamy color; it was warm but at the same time created a nice contrast with the dark floor. The furniture was very essential, except for a modern and huge bookcase filling up a whole wall in the living room. She turned slightly and smiled as she felt Tom's hands gently taking off her coat. "Nice apartment," she said, softly.

"Make yourself at home," he said with a smile, as he gently gestured for her to follow him into the living room, giving her full view of the room. Hidden from the foyer, there was a wall covered with dozens of pictures. In some of them, she could spot him, very young. There was one of his graduation day, she recognized the Columbia University emblem on his diploma. She realized she didn't even know where he studied before seeing this picture. Then she remembered he used to live in New York and understood his choice to attend Columbia. A soft smile lit up her face, as she came to know, little by little, more of him, of his past, of his story.

"That's my wall of memories," Tom said.

Alicia turned to look at him, as he brought her back to reality with his voice.

"I have so few occasions to see them that it helps me to not lose contact with my family," he explained, as he moved to stand beside her he took a moment to look at them himself.

Alicia's attention was drawn to one picture in particular. A blonde, young woman, seemingly in her twenties. Her radiant smile shone through the picture, as she posed in a tight embrace with Tom. She stiffened, a shadow formed on her face as an unpleasant grip took hold of her stomach. Possibly his ex-wife? She remembered Owen's advice and froze, silently panicking.

"My sister," Tom said with a reassuring and slightly amused smile, probably catching the sudden change of mood on her face.

Mouth half-opened, Alicia felt suddenly guilty. "I… I… She's…"

"Young?" Tom finished the sentence for her.

Alicia wasn't sure it was the word she had in mind but yes, she seemed really young. "Yes."

"We could say…" Tom hesitated for a moment, probably looking for the right words. "We could say she was a trick of menopause," he said with a light laugh. "She's only 26, she's always been more a daughter than a sister."

Only with a more attentive second glance Alicia noticed that in fact they had that same stunning eyes color. "More or less like with my brother," she joked, considering how protective she's always been with him, and how childish he often acted.

For a brief moment, her mind went to those few occasional times she'd been in Tom's office. She had always found its coldness and bareness so striking with his strong character. She smiled at how her first instinct had been right. She turned around, definitively giving her attention to Tom, a soft and sweet smile on her face. The more she knew him, the more she fell for him. She was seriously starting to wonder where his imperfections were hidden and what they were, as she leaned close to place a soft kiss on his lips. He seemed, so… perfect, but who is? Tom's hands circled her waist, returning her kiss with a more passionate one. She had spent the last couple of days wanting, needing to be so close to him again that she was dreading the moment they'd break that warm, so pleasant moment, even if only throughout a dinner. She winced, displeased and disappointed, when she felt him release delicately from their embrace.

"So, aren't you eager to know what this extraordinary cook prepared for you?" He asked with a proud smile.

Alicia raised an eyebrow, then smiled amused. "After our last conversation about food, I don't know if I should be more curious or worried." She still had that embarrassing conversation about finger food in her head. At that time, she had really felt uncomfortable and had a hard time concealing it. Now, she thought it probably would be fun.

"I don't know," Tom replied, doubtfully. "Can you eat with chopsticks?"

_Chopsticks? _"Okay," she said with some hesitation, "now you got me worried," she concluded.

She stopped in the middle of the living room as Tom kindly gestured for her to wait, then disappeared into the kitchen.

While waiting, she took the occasion to peek around some more. Only then she noticed that the small coffee table was laid with what was seemingly a Japanese set for two. She smiled to herself. Did he really..? In that moment, she saw him coming back with a tray full of everything possible. Sushi, sashimi, that alcoholic stuff whose name she couldn't remember. And that green hot sauce. "Did you cook… _those_?" She asked, sincerely surprised, impressed, and a bit shocked.

"Yes." Tom's voice didn't hide some pride.

"I always thought they were sold ready to eat in the refrigerator aisle," she said in disbelief as she got close to admire the perfection of those little pieces of food.

Tom stood there for a moment, looking at her with faked outrage. "Okay… this is _not_ what I was expecting to hear after spending hours cooking," he said as he placed the tray on the coffee table, "boiling rice, carefully and lovingly cutting all those poor fishes and vegetables in tiny pieces," he went on, imitating the face of a poor pained fish, "rolling them together in something edible," he concluded leaning forward to meet Alicia's bemused and guilty look.

She burst into loud laughter, as Tom stood in front of her with a pleading fishy face. "I'm sorry," she apologized still laughing, trying to regain some composure. Which was hard to do with him looking at her like that. "I'm… I'm so used to precooked stuff that I sometimes forget how hard it is to actually take the time to cook something decent," she said, as she gently brushed his cheeks, leaning him close to her for a forgiveness kiss. "Is this your… finger food?" She asked with a knowing smile, her previous fun was now replaced by a soft and lightly provocative tone.

"No," Tom said with a smile, as he sat on the floor, making himself comfortable on the large and soft carpet and gently invited her to do the same. "This is better than finger food," he said softly, as he took her hand to help her down. "It's refined, exotic," he said, taking with his fingers a piece of sushi from the tray. "Someone even says it's an aphrodisiac…" he said with a knowing smile, as he delicately put it in her mouth.

If it were one week before, she'd already be blushing in embarrassment. Now, she was just wondering if they would make it through the dinner with their clothes on. Lightly, teasingly running her tongue over his fingertips, she relished the mellow taste of fresh salmon mixed with the intense flavor of rice, wine vinegar and that unique piquancy of the green sauce. She still couldn't remember its name. But one thing was sure; it was nothing like the precooked version she once tried.

"So?" Tom asked with a smile.

"So… it's something I _will_ remember so later on I can offer my deepest thanks to the chef," she answered with a smile, as she leaned closer for a piquant foretaste kiss. Tom certainly knew how to seduce a woman, her thoughts swirled as her desires intensified, but she also knew how to seduce a man and keep him close, and the night was still young.

* * *

"Good grief, this thing is stiff," Alicia complained, as she caught the second round of sake. Its taste was really horrible and something she wasn't used to. Still, it left a pleasant warmth, although she wasn't completely sure if it was the effect of the drink, or of the dinner, or the company. Most likely it was the explosive mix of all the three.

Tom laughed softly then made a deep throaty sound almost like a growl. The way he'd been staring at her so intensely over the last minutes was a clear sign for Alicia that the dinner was almost over.

"So," she started with a soft smile, "where are all of your imperfections hidden?" Her head tilted lightly to the right, she caught the confusion in his eyes.

"Which one?" He asked, bemused.

"In you... this… everything being so perfect," she asked, hesitatingly. "What's wrong in you that I still don't know?"

Tom looked away for a moment. "Why do you wanna know?"

"Because I've been honest with you from the very beginning…," she started. "You know what scares me, what restrains me… You know those things in life that most matter to me," she said, looking down, as a fleeting thought went to her kids. "We're not kids, Tom," she shrugged, "and I'm at a point in my life where I don't like certain types of surprises anymore," she concluded, seriously.

Tom stared at her for a moment, quiet, probably still pondering her request. "Okay… I can't forgive," he finally said, looking straight in her eyes. His steady gaze was always disarming.

Alicia nodded. "Okay… why not?" She asked tentatively.

Tom slightly shook his head. "I just… I don't believe in second chances… because I don't believe that people can change," he concluded, never looking away.

The silence that followed was chilling. "People change," she said softly. "It's the way we see them that doesn't change…" She thought about the last months with Peter, before deciding definitely to divorce him. If she had to be honest with herself, he had changed and he had proved it on many occasions, in many different ways. It was the way she felt around him that didn't change. The way she had felt ever since the scandal. It was something she simply couldn't get rid of. _Forgive_. She had forgotten so many times. It was her nature. She smiled at how different her and Tom seemed to be on that front.

"Why are you smiling?" Tom asked with a curious expression.

Alicia looked straight in his eyes. "I… I think that I might probably be forgiving enough for the both of us." Only then she realized how deeply she cared for him. She had just taken the risk of getting dumped at the first slip without second chances and she wasn't worried, not by a long shot.

Tom's eyes were still fixed on hers. Alicia could read the change in his eyes, as his gaze slowly went from curious to sweet, to longing. She looked down for a moment as she felt his hand on her thigh, placing soft trails, up and down her leg and she instinctively stretched it out, resting it on his own. She looked back up, retuning the same longing look, as she moved closer to sit on his lap and nestled into his embrace, never breaking eye contact.

Tom gave her a soft smile before closing the distance with a kiss; soft and delicate at first, the urge and passion soon prevailed, taking control with passionate kisses and lustful, sizzling caresses.

* * *

A familiar, tantalizing trace of musky perfume woke Alicia up very early in the morning. She breathed deeply, enjoying the pleasant smell and the contact with Tom's warm skin. His regular, light breathing told her that he was still asleep. She relished the sight of the man who slowly, but inexorably was winning her heart over, piece by piece. Her conscience kept telling her to be guarded, that everything needed time, even – and first and foremost – trust. But as she watched him sleep, her hand rested on his heart, she considered that maybe her conscience was still on the alert and probably overburdened by the past suffering.

_Shut up_, she told herself, as she placed a delicate kiss on his shoulder, on his collarbone, on his chest, moving up to his neck as she rolled on top of him. A satisfied smile formed on her face as she heard him groan slightly under her kisses.

"You certainly know how to wake up a man," Tom whispered, his voice still hoarse by the sleep. But he clearly didn't mind being awakened, as Alicia felt his body respond, pretty eloquently, to her fondling. "Good morning," he said, as his eyes were still struggling to stay open.

"Good morning to you," Alicia whispered softly, placing another tender kiss on his cheek, delicately covering his lips, then resting on his body to enjoy the morning cuddling.

"Stay here," Tom whispered in her ear, sending light shivers down her back.

"When?" She asked confused.

"Today… the whole day…" He said very quietly.

_The whole day_. A whole day like that. Damn, he was tempting. Still… "I can't," she said, a clear tone of apology in her voice.

"The trial?" Tom asked, with some hesitation.

"Yes," Alicia answered, honestly. "This… You… are very tempting, but I really have to work on it."

"Nervous?" He asked, giving away some concern, as his hand gently toyed with her hair.

Alicia let out a heavy sigh. "Like never before…" She felt his hand on her chin, delicately moving her face to meet his eyes.

"It will work out all right," he said, then placed at soft kiss on her lips.

_It will work out all right_. She repeated the words to herself in self-conviction. She didn't have his trust in a positive outcome, but she certainly trusted Tom's genuine attempt at making her believe it.


	21. Chapter 21

_It will work out all right_. It had been a few weeks but Tom's reassurance still loudly echoed in her mind as the foreman read the words "guilty", "second degree," and the Judge followed with the sentencing, "fifteen years". She had somehow gathered some strength to meet her client's eyes and regretted it the very moment she saw her trying to hold back tears. Alicia did her best. She really did. The result of those efforts was at least she got a lighter sentence. Matan Brody's arrogant smile was only slightly mitigated by the yet still unsatisfactory outcome, but still mocking as she caught him glancing at her.

Alicia instinctively turned around to search for some kind of support from L&G in the back rows, and she was caught by surprise when she spotted Tom standing at the back of the courtroom, a look of genuine sorrow in his eyes as he gestured, very discreetly, for her to follow him. She nodded, then turned her attention back to her client. "I'm… I'm sorry," she whispered in apology. "We will appeal," she said, rubbing her forearm, knowing that it wasn't even close to enough to comfort the girl. She stood there, watching for a brief moment as the guard took her client and took her away. She left the courtroom with hurried steps and threw cautious glances around before rushing into Tom's office.

He was already there, waiting, and closed the door a little as soon as she stepped in. They stood there for a moment, neither of them talking, till Tom moved first, closing her in a tight, comforting hug. There wasn't much they could say. Alicia was still convinced of her client's innocence and whatever Tom could say, it wouldn't change the verdict. Or the way she felt. She rested in his arms, pulling him as close as she could, sinking into his embrace.

"For what it's worth… I was sure of her innocence, too," Tom said with a faint voice.

Alicia pulled gently from his embrace, then looked up to meet the sorrow in his eyes. It wouldn't change the verdict, but it certainly made her feel better. She was so used to being the one dispensing hugs and words of compassion that it was nice and heart-warming to know that she had someone, always there to give her some comfort, when she needed that. It was something she'd missed for too long. "Thank you," she whispered, then gently brushed his cheeks before kissing him, softly.

"I have to go now," Tom said, excusing himself with a light gesture. "I'm on the next trial and I risk being late."

Alicia smiled and slightly shook her head in apology. "Sure… We'll talk later."

"Okay," Tom said, then gave her one last kiss before seeing her out.

* * *

_All the trial sessions of the day had ended, leaving the SA's office in a state of quiet that felt almost unreal. Sitting in his chair, Peter was taking a moment for himself, a moment to think about the happenings of the day. He could still see Matan's triumphant face as he came to his office with the unpleasant news._

_Tom Bryant. Of all the people Alicia could choose to see, Tom Bryant. His best prosecutor - and one of the few people he was honestly trusting the most - was secretly seeing his wife. Ex-wife. He had to remind himself that she wasn't his wife anymore. Not for a few months now. He didn't know what felt worse; that she was moving on with her life or that she didn't trust him enough to open up and tell him that she was seeing someone. And not whatever someone. One of his employees. Now all the pieces were coming together, and he realized why on a couple of occasions Alicia had asked questions about him. Her interest wasn't professional, she was probably checking out the lay of the land._

_With a glass of scotch in hand, he pondered what was the best thing to do. Pretend not to know? Try to ask Alicia? Or just face her openly? No. This one would never work. He had learned over the years that she didn't like being confronted like that. On the other hand, in making indirect questions wouldn't that be a plain admission that he did know?_

_And how naïve was it of him not to notice it. Only now he realized what was so different in her lately. She was happy. And she was so blatantly in love. Had they become so distant at this point that he couldn't read her anymore? No, he refused to believe it. She still was the mother of his kids and the woman he'd been in love with for most of his life, and they were still friends. Even if they were divorced, he would never want them to be distant. He would never want to believe she couldn't trust him enough to share the fact that she was in love with someone else. After all… she had every right, didn't she?_

_Yes. He would make an attempt, approaching the matter in a roundabout way, so she wouldn't feel accused, or interrogated. Maybe she had her reasons for not telling him. Maybe she just needed time. What would he do anyway if she were to deny? Pretend to believe her? Damn, it was complicated. And unexpected. Something he wasn't prepared for. Drinking the last sip of scotch, he grabbed his coat and left the office, thankful that it was Friday and he had the whole weekend with his kids._

* * *

"Grace has her French test on Monday, just make sure she studies some more," Alicia said very quietly. The living room was so quiet, in contrast with the mess coming from the kid's rooms. It was the same every single Friday. The kids were supposed to be ready by Peter's arrival. As a matter of fact, it always took at least another good fifteen minutes to collect the last things, make sure they had everything they needed for Monday and brief Peter regarding homework and anything that might concern them.

"Okay," Peter said with the same quiet tone.

Alicia noticed he seemed nervous, slightly uncomfortable, but she didn't dare to ask why.

"So…" Peter started, giving away some hesitation, "how are you doing?"

"Good," Alicia replied with a light smile. "You?"

"Good," Peter replied with a nod. "Plans for the weekend?"

Alicia was caught off guard. Since when did Peter care about her weekend plans? She couldn't recall him ever asking once since the divorce. And even before, for that matter. "Nothing in particular," she asked, then gave him a questioning look. "Why are you asking?"

"Just curious," he said. "Anything new?"

What were all these questions about? For a moment she thought that… No. She quickly pushed every doubt aside. Tom would never do that. After all, didn't they agree that she was the one supposed to tell Peter when the right time came? No way. "Nothing new," she replied softly, but firmly. Peter's gaze was fixed on her and Alicia wondered what was he possibly thinking. With some hesitation, she dared venturing deeper into the discussion. If he knew something, she'd prefer him to openly tell her. "Is there… is there something you want to talk about?"

Peter didn't say anything. For a moment, he seemed lost in thought, as if searching for words.

"I might be seeing someone," he then said in a hurry.

Alicia stood there, mouth half-open. That was not what she was expecting. Not by a long shot. "I… You…" She suddenly lacked for words. "Good… it's… good… Someone I know?" She asked, sincerely interested.

"No," he replied, "no."

It was the right occasion. _Come on, tell him_. "Okay… that's good…" she said, trying to find the courage to tell him about Tom. _Oh, you know, I'm dating someone too, your best prosecutor_. Truth was, in those few occasions they discussed work, she loved to secretly rejoice at hearing praiseful words towards Tom's work and morals. It was something she didn't want to change. She knew that Peter had changed. She was sure that he wouldn't get mad or react with anger. But he certainly wouldn't be pleased.

"Yes… it is…" Peter said, with a light smile, then looked down.

There was something in his eyes. She couldn't tell if he was feeling guilty for seeing someone or if there was something else he wasn't sharing. "You… you don't have to feel guilty," she started with some hesitation. "We are… _entitled_ to move on… aren't we?" Was the reassurance for him or for herself?

Peter shrugged, slightly, looking away for a moment. "Yes… I guess we are."

Alicia nodded. She didn't want to force him, uncertain of how much he was willing to give away, or of what was his intent. "I'm happy for you," was all that she said, with a sincere smile. She honestly was, although she wasn't sure whether for him or to mitigate her sense of guilt.

"Thank you," Peter replied.

His monosyllabic answers weren't really of help to keep the conversation alive. She decided to try and dig a little more. After all, he was the one who started the conversation, wasn't he?

"How is it? Starting all over?" She smiled, remembering all her hesitations, all her fears, when she first started to become aware of her feelings for Tom. If she had to be honest with herself, she was still a bit guarded, it would probably take a long time to overcome her own reservations and concerns. But _if_ she was at a point where she would consider making her relationship public, it would probably be a sign that she trusted Tom – and herself – enough to work on them. She wondered if for Peter it was the same. After all they had both hurt each other pretty deeply. If Peter had started the fire, she certainly didn't make it easy for him. And the affair with Will, if it had been a cure-all for her, it had very likely been devastating for Peter.

"Strange… new… I still have to get used to it," he said with a smile.

Alicia returned the smile. "Yes… I guess it needs time…" She said, before turning her gaze towards the sleeping area. The kids were lingering on their last arrangements.

"So… I don't know her," she repeated in confirmation, "does she at least have a name?" She asked, between curious and amused.

Peter's smile disappeared for a moment, replaced by what seemed hesitancy. "Yes… of course…"

Alicia gave him a questioning look, inviting him with a smile to give away at least that bit of information. "And?"

"Jennifer… her name is Jennifer," he said.

"Okay," Alicia said, her curiosity satisfied. She hesitated for a moment. "Do… do the kids know it?"

Peter instinctively looked towards their bedrooms, then looked away. "No, they don't."

"Okay… then I'll make sure not to mention her in their presence," she reassured him.

The silence that followed felt slightly awkward. Peter opened his mouth as to speak but didn't say anything. He paused for a moment, hesitatingly, then opened his mouth again. "If you… should you date someone… you would tell me, wouldn't you?"

Alicia stiffened, her arms unconsciously crossed in front of her. _He knows it_. She didn't know how, and she certainly wouldn't ask. But his question, plus that questioning look in his eyes, really led her to believe that he already knew about her relationship. She would tell him, wouldn't she? "Of course," she said with a faint voice. _Just not now_.

Peter seemed a bit disappointed by her answer. It only made her even surer. Suddenly anxious to break this uncomfortable confrontation, she played the only card in her hands.

"Kids are taking a long time… I'd better check what they are doing," she said as she started to walk away.

Peter stopped. "No, I'll do it… If you don't mind…"

Alicia stepped aside, kindly gesturing for him to go. She watched as he walked with hurried steps towards Zach's room and told him something. His voice was low, she couldn't hear his words.

_Damn_. Why did she find it so difficult to tell him? She rested against the wall, thoughtfully. _Tell him before he openly tells you_.

* * *

She'd been walking back and forth in her living room for the last ten minutes. Tom had texted that his business dinner was dragging on, leaving a _lot_ of time for her to think about the conversation with Peter. Eventually, she had ended up tidying up the room, setting the small coffee table with a bottle of cool wine and two glasses. She had rearranged the cushions twice, moved a vase of flowers to the kitchen then back to the living room. Checking the clock every thirty seconds wasn't surely of help.

Facing the facts that he was going to be _very_ late, she had let herself sink into the couch and closed her eyes, her mind concentrated on the absolute silence that surrounded her. She had probably fallen asleep, because the doorbell ring started her with fright. Slightly disoriented, she quickly checked the clock. She'd slept for barely twenty minutes but it felt like a few hours. She hopped up and rushed to the door.

Tom was resting against the doorframe, a look of apology in his eyes. "I'm sorry…" he shook his head. "I didn't mean to be so late."

Alicia gave him a soft smile, as she stepped aside to let him in. "No, it's okay," she said in reassurance, her voice slightly hoarse. "I guess I was a bit tired and fell asleep." As the door closed behind them, she let herself indulge into his warm, tight embrace and breathed deeply. "You smell like fried food," she complained with a grimace.

"What a romantic welcome," Tom said with a mild laugh.

"Mmmmhhh… your fault," she protested, then kissed him softly. "Short naps put me in a bad mood…" She wondered how could children sleep twenty minutes and wake up lively as if they had slept twenty hours instead, because it only managed to numb her.

"I'll make it up to you," Tom promised, looking amused.

"You better do that," she replied in faux threat, as she gently pulled away from his embrace and walked back to the living room. "Wine?" She asked with an alluring smile, as Tom followed her and moved to sit on the couch.

"I definitely need it," he said, sounding a bit tired.

As she poured some wine for both, Alicia caught a light concern in his eyes. Rather then tired, he seemed more troubled. "Is everything alright?" She asked worried, as she handed him a glass, then sat on the couch, nuzzling up against him.

Tom looked at her with a soft, reassuring smile. "Just work…" he said with a sigh, "dinner didn't go as planned."

Alicia let out a mild, ironic, laugh. "What a crappy day…" she said, remembering the conversation with Peter. Better take the weight off her shoulders at once. "Tom," she started with some hesitation.

"Yes?" He said, softly.

"Speaking of work… did you… did you tell Peter something? About us?" She asked, regretting the question as she met his confused look. "I mean… not explicitly… just something that might have hinted at us…"

Tom shook his head, firmly. "No… we agreed that you were going to tell him at the right moment… I'd never do it…" His tone gave away a hint of dismay. "Why are you asking?"

Alicia looked away for a moment, thoughtfully. "I think he knows…" she said looking back at him. "He asked weird questions… about dating other people…" Suddenly a doubt assailed her and she looked away, puzzled. Did that woman… _Jennifer_… even exist? Or was he just playing her? "He said he's dating someone… at first I believed him… now I wonder if he was just putting me to the test."

Tom wasn't saying anything. He just listened quietly, as she gave vent to all her rambling thoughts. "Then… why didn't you tell him? It was the occasion you were waiting for. Wasn't it?" He said, so evenly as it was the most logical thing in the world.

And it was indeed. Why didn't she tell him? "I… I don't know," she said, dubiously. "I think… I like where we stand now… I don't want anything to change…" She loved the secrecy. But it wasn't about the excitement of having a secret affair. It was all in the pleasure of sharing something with him, only with him and nobody else. It was _their_ relationship, _their_ feelings, _their_ moments together. For some selfish reason, she treasured what they had at the point of not wanting to share it with anyone. And the fact that, deep inside, she feared a bit of Peter's reaction, was for sure another good reason for leaving things as they were.

"Things have to change sooner or later…" Tom said, as he placed his glass back on the coffee table, then gave his attention completely to her.

Alicia realized in that moment that her glass was still on the table, untouched. Not that she felt the need, anyway. As Tom pulled her nearer and held her tight, gently placing an arm around her shoulders, she leaned in closer to let him place a delicate kiss of her forehead, enjoying the feeling of his firm hand caressing her leg. She could stay like that forever. She loved the intimacy they had reached, she loved the feeling that a simple gesture like sitting together on the couch gave her. She didn't want to change it. "I know…" she said, looking back at him. She knew it. She just didn't want it. "I will tell him… soon," she promised with a smile.

"Okay," Tom said, but the tone of his voice was betraying his real thoughts.

He probably didn't dare push her, but it was more than clear that he wanted more and if she had to be honest with herself, she wanted more too. She was just not ready for everything that would come along. The kids first. How would they react? They both showed some worry as to what would happen if a new person were to come into their life. Now, here she was. It was plain obvious that Tom wasn't just some crush. Still, she didn't have a solution yet to the only question that Zach and Grace needed – and deserved - to be answered.

"I don't know how to… _fit_ everything," she said, discouraged.

"You don't have to _fit_ everything alone," Tom said with a reassuring smile. "I am here. Peter will be there, Zach and Grace are his kids too, and as much as you keep on worrying about it, he won't wage war against you. It's in his interest, too…"

The kids. That was where everything got complicated and a bit painful. For Alicia everything always revolved around them. It was time to change things and place some credit on them, making them active participants of the family and not just some passive observers that constantly needed protection. "Things… are really moving so fast…"

Tom looked at her with an amused smile. "Are you trying to back off now?"

Alicia laughed, mildly. "No," she said. Her eyes fixed in his, reassuringly, she smiled, sweetly. "I…" she started with some hesitation, then stopped. She was…

"What?" Tom asked, curiously.

No. She wasn't ready yet for that. She shook her head then looked into his eyes with a seductive smile eager to change the subject. "You promised to make it up to me for being late tonight. Well… time to pay up," she said, as she gently pulled his tie.

And she was thankful that he didn't insist, but gladly accepted her tantalizing invitation, as they both laid down on the couch in a longing exchange of pleasant, sweet kisses and gentle, yet provocative caresses, breathing deeply into the familiar, exciting scents of each other's bodies.


	22. Chapter 22

"Objection, Your honor, the prosecution is clearly overlooking the fact that no connection has been established yet between my client and Miss Evans." With confidence and poise, Alicia objected to Cary's attempted accusations towards her client. She gave him a quick look, then turned her attention back to the judge.

"Your honor, there are witnesses ready to testify that Mr. Spencer and Miss Evans were in a relationship," Cary insisted, barely throwing a sidelong glance at her.

"Witnesses that haven't testified yet," Alicia promptly corrected him.

"Sustained," the judged said. "Mr. Agos, please stick to the official testimonies. For now, the session is closed and adjourned to three days from now."

With a satisfied expression and overall calmness, Alicia gathered the papers on the defense table and gestured for her client and Maggie, her second chair - a new hire of L&G - to follow her. It was such an easy case that Maggie could easily take care of it herself.

"Good job, Alicia," Cary congratulated her, walking alongside her.

"Thank you, you did well too," Alicia replied, discreetly glancing around to check if Tom was around. Instead, she spotted Peter right outside the courtroom door, handing some papers to Matan Brody. Since she had finally made up her mind over the weekend to tell Peter, she might as well seize the occasion and tell him now. "Maggie, can you please take care of Mr. Spencer? I'll meet you back at the firm later," she kindly asked.

"Yes, Miss Cavanaugh," Maggie replied with a polite smile.

As she looked back in Peter's direction, she caught Mr. Brody giving her some weird smirk, which she smartly chose to ignore. She waited patiently till he was gone, then quickly approached Peter. "Hey."

"Hey, Alicia," he said with a light smile, "ready for trial session?"

"No, I'm done, actually, I was about to leave… Peter," she started, hesitatingly. The most difficult part was just coming. "Do you have a few minutes… to talk?"

"I have a staff meeting in fifteen minutes and still have to take care of some stuff, so I don't…" he started, but Alicia interrupted him before he could decline.

"Just a few minutes, Peter… I promise," she pleaded him.

"Okay…" Peter said, sounding a bit resigned, as he gestured for her to follow him in to his office.

With the door carefully closed behind them, Peter invited her to take a seat. "So… what did you want to talk about?" He asked, comfortably sitting on his chair, his head resting against his fist.

Alicia looked down for a moment, thoughtfully. She sighed deeply, breathing in the courage to confess something that was long due. "Do you remember the conversation we had last Friday night… about… seeing other people?"

Peter stiffened uncomfortably in his chair, then leaned forward and rested his arms on his desk. "Yes… I was the one who started it…"

Alicia couldn't help but notice his fingers playing nervously in front of him, but whatever would happen, she had promised herself to go through with it. "Well… you wanted… you wanted me to tell you if I were to see someone…," she paused, mustering some more strength. _Here we go_. She looked up to meet his face growing serious.

"I remember asking you that, yes…" Peter replied. His voice was throaty and the words came out barely whispered.

"Well… I… I am seeing someone, actually…" she said, trying with all her might to hold his gaze. After all, she had to tell him sooner or later. As Tom, said, things had to move forward. And this was the first necessary step. "Someone you already know," she said with some hesitation. She realized that maybe he could believe it was Will and quickly hastened to point out, "not Will…"

Peter was looking at her, uncomfortably. But there was something in his gaze. He seemed uncomfortable, yes, but not surprised…

"Okay…" Peter replied, leaning back in his chair, probably in an unconscious attempt to put some distance. "Who is he, then?"

She felt her stomach writhing. "Tom…" she started, her voice faltering. "Tom Bryant."

Peter didn't bat an eye. For a moment, he just sat, nodding silently.

"You already knew it… didn't you?" She dared to ask. She was quite sure about it, but she needed a confirmation.

"Let's just say that… a little bird blabbed it out…" He said in admission.

Someone had told him… who could possibly… She winced at the thought that Tom might have… no… no… he wouldn't… _ever_…

"It wasn't Tom… in case you were wondering…" Peter reassured her, probably noticing her doubtful face.

Okay… it wasn't him. She shook her head with a light smile, reproaching herself for having even only considered that thought.

"How long?" Peter seemed quieter than she expected. Knowing it beforehand had probably given him the time to digest the news.

"A couple of months…" she said with the same quiet tone.

Peter nodded. "Why are you… telling me now?"

It was more than clear to both of them that the fact that she was telling him could only mean one thing. "I wanted to be sure… of myself… of him… of what we were doing…"

"What about the kids?" Peter asked, clearly sharing her same concerns about bringing someone new in to their lives.

"I decided to tell them," she said. Her voice came out a little more faltering than she wanted. "They are growing, Peter… It's fair for them to have a say in the matter… I don't even know what's gonna happen next anyway…" She shrugged. "I don't know… everything's… new…" She said, looking down.

"Do you want me to be there when you'll tell them?" Peter asked her, with an understanding gesture.

Alicia nodded. "I think you should… We should both be there…" She leaned forward, resting her elbows on her legs, then let out a small, uneasy sigh. "Peter… they will unload their concerns onto you… and… I will need your support…" She said, as she gave him a knowing, pleading look. It was certainly going to be difficult for the kids to accept Tom. It was going to be even more difficult without Peter giving some kind of _sustain_. They both knew that.

"I'm not going to drive a wedge between you and the kids… if that's what's worrying you…" Peter said, questioningly.

"I just don't want this to be even harder for them… or that they hate Tom without giving him at least a chance…" She said, concerned. Because this was another big issue. It was not just about accepting a new person. What if they wouldn't like him? What if they couldn't find a way to connect? It wasn't just about accepting him… They were supposed to like him. Of course it was a process that needed time… but it was also true that the first impression mattered. A _lot_. "He's a good person…"

"I know that… I hired him…" Peter said, jokingly, probably trying to give her some reassurance that he wasn't against this.

Alicia lightly nodded. Yes, he did hire him. "Thank you… I was thinking… We could tell them this Friday, since you're already going to be there to pick them up."

"Okay," he said, nodding.

Then she remembered the conversation they had a few days before… that woman he was supposedly dating. "And… what about… Jennifer?" She asked, tentatively and caught Peter hinting an amused smile. "Are you going to tell them?"

Peter sat there silent and looked away for a moment. "No, she's not worth sharing," he replied with a knowing look.

As she had suspected… there was no Jennifer. There had never been.

* * *

The first hurdle had been cleared. With Peter knowing, everything changed. She had just lifted her main worry off her chest, and if she had to be honest, it went remarkably better than expected. She had been a bundle of nerves over the whole conversation, which she found amusing, because technically Peter was the one that was supposed to feel nervous and uncomfortable. If he was, he hid it very well.

Now, on to the second step; tell Tom.

She didn't dare to be so blatant to go directly to his office to celebrate. Instead, she hurried outside of the SA's building and sat on the bench in front of the entrance, with the phone in her hands. For a moment, she stared at the name on the screen. Tom Bryant. It was time to change it to Tom, wasn't it? She smiled at how her heart was melting and jumping at the same time only by reading his name.

She quickly dialed his number, her smile suddenly fading as she got his voicemail instead. What was she going to do? Leave a message or call back later? With only a few seconds to decide, she opted for the first one. "Hey… it's… it's me… call me back when you hear this… okay?" Her voice was a bit pitched by the excitement. And by the anxiety, too. Because in few days, she had to tell the kids too.

Of course Peter would be there, but they had to meet Tom eventually. Would they like him? Of course they would, how could they possibly not? _Who are you kidding? Are you really expecting them to like the man who's going to replace their father?_ She shook her head to get rid of the thought. Tom wasn't replacing anyone. He was just an additional member of the family. _Yes, an additional member who "sleeps" with their mother and occasionally shares the once marital bed with her_. She felt the panic rise as she pictured Grace's painful reaction. How could she do this to her kids? For a moment, she thought it was so egotistical from her side. But what was egotistical in being happy? She deserved that, didn't she? She had a start as the phone rang in her hands, her heart running – _Tom_ – and disappointment forming on her face as she read the name on the screen. _Diane_. Maggie had probably arrived at the firm by now. She let out a small sigh before pressing the green button. Every chance to talk to Tom now had just been wiped out.

* * *

"So what's your feeling about her?" With a soft, yet professional voice, Diane pointed at Maggie, the new associate, who was running down the corridor trying to keep up Will's pace. Seen from the conference room, it was a funny sight.

Alicia smiled. For some reason, she couldn't help but see herself only few years before. "She's… tough… just needs time."

"Good," Diane said with a nod. "Okay… back to the case, the prosecution will very likely call Miss Evans as their first witness, and if she confirms that…" Diane stopped as Alicia's phone started to vibrate on the table.

Tom. What _excellent_ timing. Alicia looked at the phone conflicted, biting her lower lip in disappointment before pressing the red button. _Damn_. "I'm sorry," she apologized for the interruption.

Diane hinted a smile, then went on. "If she confirms that they were indeed in a relationship at that time, it might give the motif for the aggression and…" She stopped at her own phone vibrating. "Good heavens! What's up today with these phones!" As she said that, she quickly stood up with the phone in hand. "Ten minute break," she said in apology, before leaving the room with hurried steps.

Ten minutes. Alicia considered that she might as well make the best of that time. Without thinking twice, she quickly dialed his number, anxiously.

"Hello." Tom's voice on the other end was warm and he seemed to be in quite a good mood.

Alicia smiled upon hearing the familiar voice. "Hey… sorry, I was in a meeting and couldn't answer… Did you get my message?"

"Yes, I was in a staff meeting too," he replied in apology.

Damn. She had completely forgotten about that staff meeting. "No no no, my bad… Peter told me about that meeting and I forgot all about it."

"Did you talk to Peter before the meeting?" Tom asked with a curious tone.

"Yes," she confirmed. "And I told him." She didn't add anything more specific, but waited for his reaction instead. For some reason, she was pretty sure that Tom didn't believe her promise to tell Peter soon and this was certainly an unexpected, yet pleasant surprise. The silence that followed was very telling. Tom was probably still trying to figure out what she meant. And if he did, he was even more probably trying to convince himself that she really did it.

"You… did? You _really_ did?" He asked in disbelief.

"I did. I _really_ did," she replied with a proud tone, but at the same time poking some fun at him. "You petty disbeliever… You didn't trust my promise, did you?" She said with a mild laugh.

"Hey hey, you're really talking to me about trust?" He asked amused. "How did he take it?"

How did he take it? Well, on the surface better than she thought he would. "Good… I think… And I was right… he already knew… I can only guess that someone saw us together…"

"Well… it doesn't matter anymore," he said in a soft tone. He paused for a moment, then started again. "So… how do you feel now?"

"Relieved… and worried at the same time…" Her thoughts went to the kids. Now she had Peter's support. Still, it wouldn't make it any easier for them.

"What's worrying you?" Tom asked, concerned.

Alicia peeped around to check if Diane was coming back around, but she was nowhere in sight. "We are telling the kids this Friday, when he comes over to pick them up." She realized how nervous she probably sounded to him.

"Relax… it will be fine." He reassured her, soothingly.

"What if they don't like you?" She whispered. Because, let's face it. The fact that she liked him didn't imply they would too. She was taken back a bit by the lack of a prompt response, but she bit her lip and waited for him to say something.

"Why should they? I'm… perfect!" He said, with faked outrage.

Alicia had to suppress a laugh. "Tom! I'm serious…"

"I know it…," He said and let out a small sigh. "It's new for me too, Alicia… but if I let my worries control me… this… _we_ will never move forward."

She realized only now that she had never considered the situation from his point of view. How could she have possibly ignored it? She felt bad, and egotistic. She only worried about the kids' reaction while it wasn't just about them. How did Tom feel about it? About meeting two teenagers who were very likely to hate him. About having to worry about making himself likeable to them, having to find a way to connect and relate with them. And at the same time, having to keep enough distance so that they wouldn't think he was trying to replace their father… She never considered _any_ of these things. Why didn't he tell her before? Why didn't he share his fears with her? She then saw it… All the time he had spent reassuring her… "Tom?"

"Yes?" He asked softy.

She hesitated for a moment, as she realized that she had never really put her feelings into words. "I love you," she whispered.

"I…" Tom hesitated.

Alicia smiled. She knew that it wasn't because he didn't love her, but simply because he wasn't expecting it. Two surprises during the same phone call.

"I love you too…" He whispered, sweetly.


	23. Chapter 23

With a brief phone call on her way out of the firm, Alicia had made sure that Tom was already home. It was relatively early in the evening by her standards, so she had decided at the very last minute for a surprise visit. The charming amazement appearing in his eyes as he opened the door and saw her standing there was everything she needed. She didn't say anything, or give explanations. Did she need to? Her arms flung around his neck, in a natural, instinctive fit of tenderness spoke louder than any words ever could. And Tom's sweet, yet craving kisses, gave her the confirmation that he really didn't need them either.

By the very brief time it took them to reach the bedroom, their clothes were already off, scattered along the foyer and on the living room floor.

Alicia loved this stage of their relationship and secretly hoped it could stay this way forever. Confident and close enough to know what the other wanted, liked, needed, sometimes even thought, without words being spoken. But at the same time still so fresh, young, and passionate. A relationship where sex still played a _huge_ part of the game and innocent gestures like a simple smile, or a prolonged gaze were enough to start a fire. Or better, fireworks. She certainly didn't need to tell him where or how to touch her. Both his skilled, firm hands and his warm mouth had learned _perfectly_ the trail and the right stops. As for her, she had discovered from their first sexual experience his very sensitive spot, right behind his ear. Just one word whispered, softly, slightly blown, and he was hers. There were moments when passion prevailed completely, turning their meetings into hurried, urging, wild encounters. Her brother would certainly classify it as _raw, animalist sex_. But there were moments, like today, when their most hot-blooded desires were appeased, that made room for the most teasing, playful, intriguing element of their sexual affinity. Moments when all that mattered was to enjoy their pleasant contact, every single thrill, every light tender caress; to breathe deeply in the inebriating smell of each other's bodies, as they moved slowly, in an unhurried, sensual, tantalizing dance. These were the moments she loved the most. The satisfaction of her body reflected in her nerves, leaving her with a pleasant feeling of relaxation.

Lying in his embrace, she let her fingers toy with his as they took a moment to review the events of the day.

"You know that I'm the one who should feel nervous, don't you?" Tom asked with a soft laugh.

Alicia smiled. "I know it… It's just…" She paused, thoughtfully, then looked straight at him. "If only they could… see you like I do… everything would be so simple." _If only they could… _

"You worry too much," Tom whispered, rolling on his side to face her.

His warm hand lightly caressed her cheek, delicately, before he placed a soft kiss on her lips. Alicia hinted a sweet smile at the sensual contact. "I worry too much," she nodded. "So…" she decided to shift the discussion to something else. "What about lunch tomorrow?" She asked with a smile.

"Mmmh…" Tom hesitated. "I'm afraid I have to decline such a tempting invitation," he said with a look of apology. "Previous engagement."

Alicia gave him a disappointed look. "What's more important than having lunch with me?" She asked with fake offense.

"Previous engagement," Tom repeated, very quietly.

"I hate previous engagements," she said with a whining voice, yet knowing that it wasn't changing anything. Not that she really expected him to cancel his engagement, whatever that was. _Very likely a client_.

"I hate them too…" He confirmed, nodding. "You should go now… or your kids will think you're missing in action."

"Yes… I should go," she said, a little disappointed. "Previous engagement, uh?"

She caught Tom's amused smile as she sat up and started to dress. Well… dress was a _huge_ word. Where the hell had all the clothes gotten to? She turned around to see Tom, propped up on one elbow, waving her bra before her. She leaned forward to quickly grab it, but Tom was clearly quicker than her, as he circled her waist to steal one more kiss.

"Previous engagement," he repeated, softly, then slowly let go of her.

* * *

"When's the meeting?" Alicia asked. On the phone with Will, she had just finished her trial session and was about to leave the courtroom. With all the confusion, she could barely hear his voice.

"At 2:00 pm… I'm sorry, I know it's really short notice but we had to move everything up," Will said, with a sincere apology in his voice.

"No… it's okay, don't worry… I'll get myself organized… See you later," she said, then quickly hung up, a bit annoyed. With only one hour, she barely had the time for lunch. And no way she was going without eating. Then she remembered the Berghoff. She had lunch there with Tom a couple of times. It was only a few blocks away and she could eat something quickly.

She walked the distance with hurried steps and by the time she got there she was flushed and a bit out of breath. She stopped outside the door to get her wind back, as she adjusted an unruly wisp of hair behind her ear.

As she went inside, she remembered why she didn't like that place. Too many prosecutors. And too many agents. But she had to admit that the food was good. Making her way through some agents gathered in the passage, she spotted a familiar, _very_ familiar face. _Previous engagement_. She didn't even consider that he might be here. Not wanting to interrupt his meeting, or even worse, to have him think that she was keeping a mistrustful eye on him, she decided that it was better to pretend she just didn't see him and started to walk away, with the smile still on her face. Till she caught sight of the other person sitting at the table. Clearly at ease and with a wide smile, the auburn haired woman certainly didn't look like a client.

Alicia felt her stomach turn, painfully, her smile replaced by a grimace as she saw the woman's hand moving to cover Tom's. And his look. _That_ look. The one he was supposed to give to her and no one else. She froze, unable to take a step, or to move a single finger, for that matter. What should she do? What should she say? Her mind was numbed, she didn't have the strength to think straight, let alone to put together some words in a complete – and cohesive – sentence. She looked around at the people surrounding her. Suddenly she wasn't hungry anymore. She turned on her feet and left that place as quickly as possible. She needed fresh air, she needed to breathe. She felt a pang in her heart but decided to ignore it. She wasn't going to cry. She wasn't going to let herself be hurt.

A single tear dared to escape out from her eyes. She wiped it away as fast as she could, before more would decide to join it. With deep, long breaths, she tried with all her might to restrain herself, to _not_ feel. How ironic. Tom, of all the people, used to tell her that she constantly forced herself to not feel. She had let him in, let him slowly win her heart, her love, her _trust_. She felt cheated. In every sense of the word.

Pain, anger, shame, frustration, everything was mixed and blurred. She couldn't say what she felt anymore. That was why she had turned the key on feelings years before. And the moment she chose to open the door to someone again, it just turned out to be the biggest mistake of her life.

_The meeting at 2:00pm. I have a damn meeting at 2:00_. She had that damn meeting in less than one hour and was a complete mess. She couldn't show up at the firm in such a state. All she could do was to stop at the first pub and try to tidy herself up a little.

An unbearable weight on her chest hindered her breathing and it wouldn't just go back to normal. She checked her image in the mirror and winced. For a moment, she hated that sight. And she didn't know if the hate was aimed at him or at herself. She had told Peter about him only the day before. She was supposed to tell the kids in few days. But what hurt the most… she had told him that she loved him. And as much as she used to play down the importance of those words, it was in fact the first time she spoke them out loud. For what?

She took her purse, and after one last quick touch-up she hurried to reach the L&G building.

* * *

"Alicia… Alicia!" Will's voice drew her attention back to the discussion.

So lost in her thoughts, she had barely heard him calling her, let alone what he was talking about. "Yes… sorry…" She said in apology. Catching the concern and questioning in his look, she just hinted a smile and shook her head in reassurance.

"Are you okay to leave the Spencer case to Maggie? Do you think she can handle it?" Will asked.

"I… Yes… I'm sure she can do it," she said, leaning forward, faking a concentration that she really lacked.

"Good," Will said, looking down and starting to collect all the papers in front of him.

She realized that she had clearly missed something. Why was she taken off the Spencer case? Was there a more important case she was supposed to follow? Damn. She missed that awful whiteboard of her first year at L&G. At least she could have taken a peek at it to steal some hints.

"We are done here, you can all go back to your offices," Diane said loudly, trying to regain the attention of the gathering of associates which had started a messy clamoring. The crowd slowly started to leave the conference room and Alicia silently stood up to follow them.

"Not you Alicia," Will called her back.

_Great_. Now he was certainly going to scold her for her distraction. As if she needed that too.

With everyone gone, Will closed the door and approached her. "Are you okay?"

_Is it so obvious that I'm not?_ "Yes," she faked, pretty badly, as she tried to convince him – and herself – with a light smile. Failing, as she caught Will looking at her, clearly not convinced. "I… I'm… I'm just having a bad day," she said in an attempt to reassure them both that she was fine.

"You're my best lawyer…" Will said, quickly glancing around. "And I need you at your best, especially in this moment when things are still so… difficult and uncertain for the firm."

"I know it, Will… You don't have to worry about that, or about me…" She didn't want anyone to worry for her, or to feel anything at all for her. All she needed was something that would distract her and keep her mind busy. Till the inevitable moment when she had to confront… No. She didn't want to think about it. Not now.

"I _do_ worry about you… so… if there's something wrong… you know where to find me…" Will said, as he lightly rubbed her forearm.

Alicia didn't say anything. She simply nodded and left the room, trying to appear calmer and less upset than she really was, as she walked with hurried steps to her office and took the first folder she found on her desk to turn her thoughts away from an image that was stuck in her mind and wouldn't fade easily.

She must have read the same line at least twenty times before finally understanding the simple words printed on the paper in front of her and get enough control on her mind to concentrate on what she was doing. At least till her phone started to silently vibrate and made her jump slightly. _Not him. Not now_. All her efforts to distract herself had been wasted with a single vibration. Her breath became erratic. She kept looking at the screen, at the name that only a few hours before would make her melt, and now didn't know what to do. She had already lost count of the vibrations by the time it stopped.

_1 missed call_.

She breathed in, deeply, looking down at the paper she was reading before the interruption. She shook her head. She couldn't do it. She just couldn't.

* * *

It was past 8pm when she finally closed the folder and the laptop. She had written down notes that the day after would probably turn out completely useless and senseless. A whole afternoon wasted on nothing.

She took her cell phone and stared at the screen with a sigh. _3 missed calls_. She couldn't ignore his calls for a fourth time. She had to answer sooner or later. And to confront him. She didn't know if it was better to call him or wait till he would call again. She didn't have time to decide. The phone started to vibrate again in her hands. She tried to muster some calm before pressing the green button.

"Hello," she answered. Her voice was low, cold.

"Hey… I've been calling you all day… I was… starting to worry… are you okay?" Tom sounded really concerned and a bit upset.

"Hey… I'm… I'm fine… Just had a bad day," she said with some hesitation. How was she supposed to confront him? By phone? At least she wouldn't have to see the lie in his eyes. Or maybe she wanted that? To get the confirmation that what she saw was _true_?

"Work?" He asked, softly.

Could that be defined as work? No. Definitely not.

"Yes," she said, lying miserably.

"Do you wanna meet?" He asked. Damn. He sounded _really_ worried for her.

"No." Her answer was dry. If there was something she didn't want now, it was to face him. It was too soon, too raw. She needed self-control that she didn't have now. "I mean… not today… I'm tired," she added. After all, he was totally oblivious to what happened. "I… I have to go now… I'm… I'm already late and I…" She what?

There was a moment of silence of the other end. Alicia bit her lips, nervously, as she gathered all her stuff to leave.

"Okay," Tom finally said. "Can I call you later?" His voice was hesitating. Was he sensing that something was wrong?

"No… I call you…," she replied. She wasn't going to spend her time in anxiety till the moment her phone would ring again.

"Okay… then… I… we'll talk… when you can…" Tom said, with a confused and definitely concerned voice.

"Yes…" she said. Her voice was barely a whisper and she wondered if Tom could even hear her before she hung up.


End file.
